Why Doesn't My Partner Take Care of Me When I'm Upset?

Why Does My Partner

Dear listeners, before you start listening to this episode, would you try something with us?

Sit back in your chair. Take a breath for a second. Notice that you’re alive and breathing. Notice the sensations in your body that tell you that you’re alive. As other thoughts start to pop up, don’t try to push them away just yet instead just let yourself notice that they’re there. Notice them, and now go back to your breath. Take your time. What’s happening inside you now?

This, dear listeners, is withnessing, and it’s what this episode is all about. Or listener question speaks to a deep desire to be taken care of by their partner, so we start by asking, “what kind of state are each of your brains in? When you’re worked up and upset, your brain is going to have a really hard time giving or receiving support, even when that feels like what you want to do most in the world.

So take a second to slow down. Witness what’s happening inside you and give your brain a chance to shift into a state that’s more interested in connection and bonding. Showing up for yourself is where it all starts.

Quotes:

The part of your brain that's going to help you shift from one state to another is going to be activated when you slow down and watch what's happening right now inside you.

In order to be there for my partner…I don't have to worry about how to soothe them. I only have to worry about how to witness me.

There is something so empowering about knowing I don't have to wait for my partner to be integrated enough to support me. I can do this for myself.

This episode is brought to you by our amazing sponsor, The Academy of Therapy Wisdom. Jules is one of their many educators, and because you listen to us, the Therapy Wisdom team is offering a secret code to give you free access to one of Jules' 1 hour Wise Conversations. Just visit therapywisdom.com and use the discount code "WDMP."

Jules' new book is out now! Buy Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected, and Empowered wherever books are sold.

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