12. Why they didn’t choose you, why you can’t let go, and why rejection really is redirection

Light and Shadow: the podcast

This episode is in the same “dark intermission” thread as “the case for not choosing the guy (or girl) that makes the huge effort.” In this episode, I examine the questions a lot of us have following the ending of a toxic relationship - particularly the one where we did go for the guy who made the huge effort, only to be dumped just as quickly as they came into our lives. We can’t help but think, “why didn’t they choose me?” “They liked me so much in the beginning, what happened? What did I do? Why didn’t they love me?” So often we focus this conversation around what we did to repel or push them away, not realizing that the basis for the relationship was never even about you or them - it was about a need you both shared. A need that was complementary in the beginning that became contradictory once normal relationship issues come up. Ego and genuine, honest love simply cannot exist together. They negate each other. So while you think you’ve done something wrong, sometimes it’s doing something right that’s chasing the unhealthy people away - and this isn’t a bad things. Sure there could be things you also need to learn and work on, but someone’s ability to love you rarely has as much to do with you as it does with them and the relationship dynamics they are familiar, comfortable, and accustomed to. Sometimes it’s normal, healthy behaviors that push unhealthy people away, and that’s okay - because their rejection really is just divine redirection. Have a listen to find out why and what you can do to stay on your path.