Oversharing, Doing the Mental Work, and The Wee Dog Died

Jo & JJ Go Mental

Jo and J.J. are on their own this week and have a lot to discuss, including the unfortunate passing of Jo’s family dog, takeaways from the recent appearance of Prince Harry on the Dax Shepard podcast, and how to share your vulnerable emotions without coming across as self-indulgent or too long-winded. They also talk about how therapists balance transparency with boundaries, having conversations with people that may not have done the work yet, and why it’s important to give yourself the tenderness and space to think especially during a time of extra stress and grief. The episode ends with J.J. promising to meet up with Jo for a tour of a city close to you sometime in the not-too-distant future!

Takeaway:

[2:20] J.J. returns from a visit to Los Angeles, and Jo starts the countdown to her 50th birthday. Only 18 more months to go!

[4:05] Jo and J.J. discuss Prince Harry on a recent episode of Dax Shepard’s podcast, Armchair Expert. He was there to open up about the cycle of hurt and pain, but the press picked up more about the drama within the Royal Family instead of the mental health aspect, knowing it would get more clicks.

[6:33] J.J. doesn’t worry about being a dick, even when she’s being direct. In a world where a lot of people just spew out their emotions online, sometimes it is better to wait for people to ask before sharing and baring all. She and Jo discuss the boundary between spilling your guts and keeping it all inside a professional world. Our society is pretty unbalanced in the world of mental health, but real support doesn’t typically come from just a lengthy post on social media or unloading everything to an untrained friend or co-worker. There are healthier options.

[9:20] J.J. talks about bringing her older little dog to sessions, and not knowing how much clients would be invested in seeing her and their disappointment when she passed.

[11:06] When J.J. is feeling in a low mood or tired, she lets her clients know that she is feeling that way, and it has nothing to do with them. This way she is authentic about how she feels, and it sets clear boundaries for the client.

[12:21] In any type of performance setting or a social situation, we can feel pressure to perform or turn it on while we are feeling in a low mood or even grieving. It’s hard to muster it up, and it’s both brave to mention it and also brave to muster up the courage to know sometimes the show just must go on.

[13:35] Jo had to say goodbye to her sweet family dog, and with it comes a wave of emotions, one after the next. What has been surprising for her has been the strength of the emotion and the awareness and acceptance of it. As she lets herself grieve, J.J. adds that most people don’t mind seeing their friend or loved one cry, even though we can fear it will scare others away or turn them off from us being “too much”. This is where radical acceptance of reality comes in and learning how to receive someone’s help and support provides a gift for both us and them.

[17:18] Most humans have a repelling type of action for what doesn’t feel real. There is inauthenticity to vomiting all over social media, and even if it’s subconscious, we can feel the difference. We can feel truth, honesty, honest vulnerability.

[18:44] A lot of our mental health and vulnerability is unspoken for now, but hopefully, it will become more spoken and more of the norm in the future. For now, we don’t have to put words to know that we can feel truth, honesty, and love.

[22:17] In the show featuring Prince Harry, he may have been doing something from an authentic place, and it’s getting twisted. This ties into the need to have vulnerable conversations, but knowing humans can judge others very quickly when they view something as inauthentic. Does his high profile help progress mental health, or not?

[23:12] It’s important to not get bogged down by global groupthink. Jo says that if even one person can learn from or relate to her work, it’s worth it.

[24:19] Jo has an intense irritation to people who vomit out their feelings in a way that minimizes true mental health discussions, and she has a fear and worry that if those are the voices that are heard and judged, it has an impact on the bigger picture.

[25:40] J.J. commends Jo on her bravery, emotional intelligence, and her ability to manage emotions according to their value.

[27:11] The next time you find yourself irritated with everyone and everything throughout your day, it may be a sign that you need to give yourself extra self-care and tenderness.

Tweetables:

• “Being tender and intimate with life’s transitions is a way of modeling for other people how to give themselves a break when they are grieving.” - J.J.
• “The emotion itself just wants to pass through your body and tell you something, but we fight it so often.” - Jo
• “I just keep my mouth shut a lot more than I used to, which I know must be hard to believe.” - J.J.
• “It’s so hard to balance passion with a non-attachment to outcome.” - J.J.
• “We are not tucked in enough as adults.” - J.J.

Connect With Us:

Joanna Denton | Dr. J.J. Kelly

Prince Harry on Armchair Expert