How to let things go mentally; The power of emotional intelligence (160)

Creative Entrepreneurs Unblocked, Healing Artist & Trauma-Informed Coaching

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Good morning, friend.

Today, I want to focus on emotional intelligence and what it is and also why you as an entrepreneur or as just a creative person that's trying to navigate all the things in life and do everything you want, while also feeling that balance, right? And being able to have your rest and being able to have time away. It's just complicated mess in our busy, busy society. But one way for sure to help you get through that and to help you to be able to prioritize what you need personally in your life is by having emotional intelligence. So let's talk about that and let's talk about how you grow that part of you. So let's go ahead and get started.

Hey friend, welcome to Deep Healing for Creative Entrepreneurs. My name is Aubrey Barr and I am a subconscious release technique practitioner and photography business owner. I know you are sick of ending your day feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and you are seeking a solution to help you feel creatively inspired and actively engaged in your business as well as personally. In this podcast, we are going to dig into any limiting beliefs or subconscious programs that are keeping you in a space filled with anxiety and stress. This work is not a temporary solution for your life. No, this is a complete transformation. So grab your coffee or tea and let's start you on the road to healing. And let me just say, you can do this. you are worth it, and you are meant to thrive in life and business. So let's dig in.

If you're new here, welcome. Absolutely. I hope you find some knowledge and some encouragement in this episode today. For those of you who have been around, you know that I love to talk about this topic. And it's not something I would say I have mastered in all areas of life, But I can definitely promise you that I've taken my own experiences and my experiences with my clients, and I've came to a lot of really in-depth conclusions about how being emotionally intelligent reflects in your life, in your priorities, in your way of handling situations that come up. And that is by far one of the greatest things we can do is to invest in something for us that helps us live our lives easier.

You know it's so funny I have just ADHD you guys know that there's certain things that I'm not great at and I absolutely can up front say hey I am not good at that and that's okay because there's plenty of things I am good at but one of the things that that is really difficult for me is organization, and being really in line with, let's say, a schedule or understanding how to lay things out so that it makes more sense to me. I recently started doing a program with some other people I met in the podcast world that also have a podcast. They're amazing. And I'll share more with you about them in the future. But for now, I'm going to say that they've really helped me start to lay things out. And when I can do that, when I could take this template of how to manage my money and the best ways to set aside certain amounts, if I have certain goals or, you know, and this includes my husband too, it really has been this missing link between how I want to run my life and how it was just organically playing out.

And so it made me think, you know, a lot of people don't have the insight that I have when it comes to the emotional regulation to being able to feel your emotions and move on with a problem and learn from it, most of all, so you don't have to go through the same learning process again. And so because that is a gift of mine, I want to share with you a couple things that I feel like it's overlooked. And I want you as my listener and a friend to be able to look at your life and say, okay, these are the places where I'm having issues emotionally regulating, or this is the area that probably is showing me I have some some underlying trauma, and it's affecting my life in these ways.

So I want this to be super helpful to you guys, and I know it will be. The biggest thing that is going to get in the way of you being able to regulate and prioritize and all the wonderful things that come with emotional regulation and intelligence is being able to decipher between what is going on in your past that has caused you to be reactive to certain things in your life. So a lot of you that are listening are going to be in this phase of reaction. And that's okay. hey, we've all been there. Everybody's been there. But staying in a state where you are constantly reactive to situations around you, and you are likely not reacting in the best way, maybe you feel anger, maybe you feel sadness, maybe you're uncontrollably crying. There's different things that come up where we're reacting to how we feel because we were not safe at some point.

So for example, from a childhood perspective, maybe you didn't feel safe at home. Maybe you didn't feel safe at school, right? Something about that scenario made you super uncomfortable. So when something comes up where let's say you're being questioned. You could be in a situation where you honestly feel like people are attacking you or your credibility, when in reality, they're just asking for further facts. They're just asking for more clarification. This comes up a lot because it does feel like a personal attack. We kind of revert back to that six-year-old. Who maybe dealt with a lot of bullying or, you know, was super shy and just felt super traumatized when the teacher would call on them. So your subconscious mind is going back to those scenarios when you were six and how you perceived that situation based on the knowledge that a six-year-old has.

Now, I have said, and I will continue to say, small children are intelligent. It's just that our our perspective is much different. It's that our emotional capacity is much different. We're told to do things that we don't understand or not to do things that we don't understand. We're told not to cry. That shows up as someone who's repressing their feelings and their emotions for their entire lives until we unlock that, until we say, you know what? It's okay to cry. It's okay. We all do it. come on, raise your hand. I was crying like yesterday in my car. So that's just life sometimes.

So that's really what I want you to think about when you're assessing where you're at with your emotional intelligence is how do I react to situations? You know, it's okay to be upset. Like it's actually good to feel in the moment, wow, this really made me angry. You know, know, I don't like being taken advantage of or whatever. This phase of really feeling the emotions. Is so important, and it can last 10 minutes, and it could last, I'd say, up to a day, just depending on where you're at and also how severe the situation is, right? I'm not suggesting that in a serious, you know, family emergency or something, you should be fine in a day. I'm I'm talking about a situation that comes on, not something that you're, you know, living in deeply. Okay. So don't, don't get that out of hand because we all have grieving processes too, and that's going to be completely different.

But the next phase of this situation would be, okay, I've felt my feelings. I've recognized them for what they are. I even started already to say, okay, but why are you angry? Well, duh, it's because X, Y, Z, right? Like you already started to kind of do that insight as to why you're feeling what you're feeling. The next thing you need to do is start the positive self-talk. You know, how do we make it better? in your own time when you are ready you get to make it better okay it doesn't matter about the other people it is nice when somebody offends us and they decide to apologize but to be honest with you a lot of emotional intelligence is being able to say even if this situation doesn't get better or doesn't get fixed even if that doesn't work the way I would like it to what can I take from this? How could I move on from here? You know, what things are, am I going to change in my own life as well as how am I going to put myself out there in the world to really define who I am and what I am okay with, right? Because a lot of this could be fixed by simply having that self-value and having this positive self-talk. That is how we do our own critical thinking. Our own problem solving is by being able to relate it to ourselves. Say, this is the lesson I need to learn here.

Now, a lot of people go on the super defensive with this and they think they're doing it right and they're not. Because when you go super defensive, you become the victim and you stay the victim. Victim so if you're not questioning how you can alter your life to shift the situation around or to make sure that you don't have to deal with it or whatever then you're staying in the victim mentality and you might even be triggered by me saying that because it's crappy to be honest with you nobody really wants to be a victim it's not naturally fulfilling to be a victim of anything right so when you look at it and you're able to work through it and say this is how i will change the situation for the future. That is emotional regulation. That's the part of the puzzle that a lot of us can get muddied just based off of being hurt, you know, and a lot of people do a lot of mean things out there, right? But being able to regulate ourselves regardless of what other people do or say is a magical place to be in.

I recently had a situation come up where I was really poorly treated and I don't really deal with that so much in my life anymore because I'm in a really healthy relationship with my husband and my daughter and I work for myself. So really, I'm not in workplace situations where people get undercut or things are said or there's gossipy situations. So I steer clear of that. And I was out of my game. Like I was really, I was quite shocked that this person treated me a really horrible way and it didn't make me feel good at all. I was very upset about it. So I'm driving around in my car and I'm like, whoa, is me, right? That's what I felt like because honestly, just completely blindsided by being treated bad, that bad, and that obviously manipulated. And so So I'm not feeling good about it. And I decided, OK, I'm going to take this opportunity because I can feel the energy around me and I could feel that I was like really hanging on to this, like this wrongdoing. It definitely triggered past experiences of my life where I was treated very unpoorly. And so I saw that coming up for me. And I'm like, this is not healthy to 20 hours later be this upset about this situation. And so I said, OK, I'm going to say a prayer because I really needed to clean this energy out. And that was my surefire way to connect back to my intuition, get a grip on things and clean out this energy without just straight up saging my Subaru.

So that's what I did. And I laughed to myself because I just said I just, you know, having a conversation and I'm like, OK, OK, God. God, if you could help me to get over this, because I really, I can't hang on to it. I really couldn't, okay, because life has to move on. You know, when I'm that dysregulated, I'm not really as great at my job. So I know it affects my work, pretty much all of the jobs I do it affects. So I don't like being there. And I was ready to move on. And I just simply was asking, like, what can I do to make sure that I can shift this energy out? I can release these bonds like it always feels like to me there's an energetic grip hold on a situation that's what it feels like inside of me and I've seen it in other people too so how do I release this death grip on this situation so that I can move on I can be happy again you know and love my life again and I was thinking you know if they would just apologize if this person would would just apologize to me. I would absolutely accept it. Like I would be okay with it. I just don't want to be treated that way. And I know that personally knew that apology was an order.

And so I said that and immediately my thoughts went to, no, you forgive first. And this may be, to you listening, a very Christian standpoint, which is okay. I am Christian. I wouldn't say that I'm a perfect Christian. Why would I need Christ? But when I heard that, I immediately knew that was true. I immediately knew that being in a place where I am emotionally intelligent, I get to see that next part. And I know that holding on to this emotionally triggered situation was not going to help me at all in any way possible and that is what I think we miss a lot of times when we want to hold on to it is that we're not hurting the other person we're hurting ourselves now mind you of course some people really do want to apologize and they really do want to feel like you know know, things are fine and that's great. But inside the amount of sadness and pressure that was being added into my daily routine was detrimental to where I like to live my life. You know, I like to be in a certain standard. I like to move through the cycles of thing without having this extra baggage. And so I knew in that moment that I had to forgive. And that may not be always the a story with certain traumas in our life. Okay. But understanding that you can go from being just completely upset to a place where you're like, wow, I have to move on from this and it's for my best interest. And then being able to go back to work, get my stuff going, you know, take care of my family without feeling this cloud of sadness or whatever over me is so empowering. Empowering, it is hard to even describe what that really feels like.

Some of you know what I'm talking about. And sometimes it takes longer that cycle. But that is true emotional intelligence. And I'll say one more thing about it. When you're in that space, you are less likely to do things to other people that cause emotional distress. Because you're more compassionate, you're more empathetic towards what that life looks like, you know, that we all come into adulthood with some kind of trauma, either from childhood or generationally even, that hasn't even embelled itself yet. Every single one of us comes with that. But those of us that can work through that and can find that emotional regulation, we have a better chance of leaving this world with people People who are empowered with friendships that do last forever, with relationships that are super compassionate, love-filled, and just endearing, right? That is, I mean, to me, the ultimate way to live is being able to emotionally regulate regardless of what happens to us in our lives. Because. Crap is going to hit the fans, right? It is absolutely going to. And I just want you to know that you are fully capable of taking on these periodic situations in your relationships and in your life and in your schooling and in your work where you can come out stronger because of it. You know, you can come out with this lesson.

You don't have to relive things. People think that we are destined to relive problems with boundaries or not having enough money or, you know, getting a divorces all the time, right? Like we think that that is just our life story and we have to relive it that way. And I am telling you right now, that is absolutely not true. So now that you've heard some of this about how we can take in those situations and we can feel them, we're not going to avoid them. We're not going to put them away in a little closet that we find in a year, right? We're going to feel them, and then we're going to process them. We're going to use our positive self-talk. We're going to use our ability to critical think. We're going to put ourselves in other people's shoes and understand that they obviously are reacting emotionally because they're triggered about something that has nothing to do with us. When you are able to work through those problems, I can promise you that life gets easier. I can promise you that you reach your goals faster. That you're able to become someone that is a leader in your community in whatever way possible. That you're able to empower other people to become better people, to follow their own personal goals and their own dreams. So I'm going to encourage you today to do that.

If you have any excess emotional baggage that you feel like you absolutely need to get rid of, especially if it's settling in your shoulders, in your neck, those are usually programs around not feeling loved when we needed to feel loved. I have my freebie. It's a seven minute audio. It's me talking just like I am now and walking you through how to somatically release that tension and those feelings from your shoulders. You can get a little taste of what it's like to be on the other side of those traumas, to be able to release things that you didn't realize you were holding onto. So I highly encourage you to check that out in the show notes and let me know if you guys have more questions about this. It's like my favorite topic, as you can tell. And I hope you guys have a beautiful day. We'll talk soon.

I hope this podcast spoke to you in some way. If it did, please go ahead and leave me a review and subscribe so that I know you're enjoying what you hear. And further, if you know somebody else who owns their own creative business and struggles with anything that we spoke about, please pass this on because it is my hope that we will be able to build a community of like-minded individuals who love on each other and appreciate the many facets that make our creative business so unique. And lastly, check out the show notes to find my free Facebook community and other useful links to work with me. All right, friend, see you soon.