What have you tried so far to quit porn? Accountability buddies, talk therapy, internet filters, church or religious programs, or mindfulness techniques to 'get rid of cravings'… Many of these have merit, but they're often missing key elements for long-lasting sobriety. It isn’t enough to just “stop watching porn”. Porn addiction is a symptom of deeper, underlying challenges that I address using evidence-based psychological and behavioral practices. My mission isn't just to help people overc ...
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For those who are looking to gain traction and momentum as they move away from the destructive effects of porn and porn behaviors and pursue the life and relationships they dream of.
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RecoverU | Betrayal Trauma, Sex Addiction Support, Betrayal Recovery, Reconciliation, Porn Addiction Recovery
NLP master life coach, Betrayal Trauma Recovery Coach, FDN-P
RecoverU is a podcast where we talk about sex addiction, betrayal trauma, mental, emotional and physical health, faith, and anything and everything needed to RecoverU to your most authentic self that God created you to be.
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My name is Bulumko Papu (you can call me Bullz). This is a podcast about porn addiction recovery. Here I talk about tips and tricks that can help you on your recovery journey. Ill be sharing my story and the things I've learnt in my own journey as well.
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87: Self-Control & Porn Addiction | Why Willpower Always Fails & the 3 Pillars to Quit Porn Successfully
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33:23There are a lot of voices out there telling you that all you need to quit porn addiction is more discipline. They say you just have to want it bad enough, fight hard enough, and exert enough self-control. But if you’ve ever tried to stop watching porn using willpower alone, you already know—it doesn’t work. In fact, relying on willpower actually fu…
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103 - Recognizing and Releasing Destructive Patterns for the Addict and Betrayed
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48:03It’s always easier to identify negative patterns in someone else. In today’s episode, Kylene shares four common patterns that can show up in both the addicted partner and the betrayed partner — but in different ways: Qualifying and Comparing Using Absolutes like “Always” and “Never” Looking Outward Instead of Inward Dehumanizing Thoughts or Behavio…
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Did you ever start a day feeling "off". Today's podcast is all about "dialling your day" in to maximize the chance of the day going well. If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. This is how sign up for the free circle learning resources Vern has to offer. If privacy is…
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86: Why Doesn't God Take My Porn Addiction? | Spirituality, Psychology & Praying to Quit Porn
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40:51Why doesn’t God take away your porn addiction? People tell you to give your addiction to Christ, and it doesn’t seem to work for you. Why? I remember how frustrated I used to be by this concept of giving my addiction over to Christ. People advised me to simply surrender to Christ and that was the answer to get sober. But it didn’t work for me. I th…
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102 - Supporting Your Betrayed Partner: 4 Tools That Will Help You Help Her
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22:40In today's episode, Patrick shares four ways a recovering addict can show up for their betrayed partner while demonstrating consistency, sincerity and healing: Make an effort to understand Focus on your own healing Practice your responses Don't seek her external validation We often mention the "Help Her Heal" workbook and encourage you to utilize t…
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85: My Wife Ignores My Progress with Porn Addiction | Navigating Relationship Struggles, Lack of Trust & Betrayal Trauma
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40:07Do you feel like your wife is ignoring your progress with porn addiction? That she doesn’t understand how difficult it is for you to quit porn? Do you feel like you can get sober for a few weeks, or even a few months, but when you relapse with porn it is devastating for her, and you have to start over from square one? Do you feel like you can’t do …
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101 - 3 Tools Every Betrayed Partner Can Use Today!
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41:23Erin Stretar (pronounced Streeter) shares three powerful tools she recommends to all her clients navigating betrayal recovery in this week’s RecoverU episode. Discover how journaling, self-soothing techniques, and building a strong support system can empower your healing journey. Erin provides practical tips and real-life applications you can start…
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Ep. 157 - Ten Rules for Life
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30:49This episode is a bit different. One of the benefits of recovery from constantly battling with porn is that you can now start to think more clearly about how you want your life to go. In this episode Vern shares 10 principles he has landed on to guide his thoughts and actions. A summary of these principles is found on the circle learning platform u…
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84: The Science Behind Porn Addiction—and How to Stop | The Truth About Addiction Genetics, and Why You’re Not “Doomed” to Be an Addict Forever | Dr. Evelyn Higgins
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58:10Do you believe that you are genetically prone to addiction? What if you could alter these genetics? Today, I speak with Dr. Evelyn Higgins with Wired for Addiction about the science behind porn addiction, specifically the impact of epigenetics on addiction. According to Dr. Higgins, we can alter our genetic expression, developing a completely diffe…
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100 - Using a Polygraph for Recovery - What You Need to Know
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58:20In this episode, Kylene and Patrick walk through how to use a polygraph (lie detector test) as part of recovery, reconciliation and trust building after betrayal and discovery. Some questions they answer are: Why use a polygraph? How to find a polygrapher What to look for in a polygrapher- interview questions to consider Best practices for creating…
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99 - 4 Years After Discovery
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13:49Congratulations to Patrick on 4 years in recovery! I'm so proud of you.In this episode, Kylene briefly shares what it feels like to be hitting the 4 year mark of recovery together, and why the intense and purposeful effort they made has truly been worth it. If you are a betrayed partner and would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support…
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Ep. 156 - The Porn Adjacent Challenge
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18:37One of the biggest challenges that is new in the porn recovery area is the new pattern of staying away from porn but engaging in all sorts of porn adjacent behaviors. Sure its not porn but it is just a perpetuation of the same sort of addictive behavior with the same sort of negative results. In this episode Vern challenges us to change the way we …
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83: Prevent Porn Cravings & Relapse Through Emotional Awareness Techniques | Simple Methods to Slow the Mind & Connect with Others
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1:14:01Today, I’m joined by Owen Marcus, an expert in somatic and emotional healing for men across the world. His company is called MELD. He is highly knowledgeable, with 30+ years of experience, and it was a real pleasure speaking with him. Many of us men struggle to express our emotions. It’s classic! What we may not know, though, is that unprocessed ha…
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98 - Divorce After Betrayal? You are not alone. How to Navigate it with Strength.
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33:25Divorce feels similar to being widowed. You've lost your partner, you've lost the life and the future you thought you had, and you experience a significant amount of grief. Divorce after betrayal can feel isolating and overwhelming. This is why Kim Hansen Petroni has written her workbook: "Not a Casserole Widow" to provide education and cultivate s…
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97 - Living the Fruit: Why the Fruits of the Spirit are Important During Recovery
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49:03Life can be stressful on its own, but navigating recovery after addiction and betrayal adds layers of tension, overwhelming emotions, and uncertainty. In today’s episode, Kylene and Patrick explore how the fruits of the Spirit can serve as a powerful self-reflection tool to guide growth and healing in your recovery journey. By focusing on cultivati…
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Ep. 155 - Those Pesky Emotions
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23:33We spend a lot of time trying to block ourselves from external threats using content filters, removing problematic apps etc. The peskier problem, however, has to do with our emotions. Wherever we go there we are. In this episode Vern unpackages what those problematic emotions are, the way porn promises to meet those emotions and how we can transtio…
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82: How to Rewire Your Brain, Quit Porn, and Reclaim Your Life (on The Walk Family Podcast)
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51:57I had an excellent conversation with Tony Smith from The Walk Family Podcast - a Christian podcast for parents. It was a huge privilege talking with Tony about the true struggle of pornography addiction in this country and around the world. As many of you guys know, porn addiction is rampant. This is no longer the 90’s where the internet was new - …
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96 - Sobriety vs. Recovery, What's the Difference?
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54:58Is there a difference between sobriety and recovery? Is recovery just a longer version of sobriety? In this episode of RecoverU Kylene and Patrick share their perspective on the differences between sobriety and recovery and the type of actions and behaviors it takes to move into a life of recovery, and ultimately freedom, after a life of sex or por…
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Ep. 154 - A Punch in the Face
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17:39What is the actual problems that porn causes men? Wtihout needing to take on the porn industry - I walk through as succintly as I can some of the common side effects that are proving so problematic with porn. So here's to avoiding a punch in the face! A summary of this article is found on my free circle platform. If you would like to get access to …
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81: Christianity and Porn Addiction | How Your Relationship with God May Be Keeping You From Quitting Porn and How to Overcome Religious and Sexual Shame
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49:42As a porn addiction recovery coach, I see clients of all backgrounds - religious and irreligious. Christianity and porn addiction often go hand-in-hand in my experience. I know that they did for me. I love my faith, but the reality is that many Christians carry burdensome shame about their sexuality, and others about their porn habit. This sexual s…
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95 - Choosing Who You Want to be so You Don't Stay Stuck in 2025
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46:44Feeling stuck and not sure how to move forward? In today’s episode, Kylene and Patrick discuss choosing who you want to be so you don’t stay stuck in 2025. They provide five practical tips and actionable resources to help you align with your values and vision for the future. Their approach emphasizes digging deeper than surface-level goals, empower…
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Ep. 153 - Theme for 2025
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18:18We are starting a brand new group for 2025! This group will consist of 5-7 men who want to journey together throught the finding traction course. Our next group will be starting January 2025 on Wednesdays at 9 pm. Eastern. If you want more information on how to become part of one of these groups reach out to me at bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com. To …
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Ep. 152 - Unleash the Man Within with Sathiya Sam
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34:20Today It is my priviledge to introduce a fellow recovery coach. Sathiya Sam has an inspiring story of how to walk free from porn and move towards a larger vision for one's life. Sathiya Sam's podcast is called "Man Within" and his recovery resources can be accessed at https://www.sathiyasam.com/ We are starting new groups all the time for 5-7 men w…
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80: Childhood Trauma, Porn Addiction, Seeking Safety in Pleasure and Escape, and How to Quit Porn by Transforming Your Mindset & Lifestyle (on the New Paths Podcast with Dan Johnson)
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1:01:25Today's episode is from the New Paths podcast. Dan Johnson and I tag-team it again and talk porn addiction recovery, touching heavily on my personal porn addiction story. In today's episode, I'm going to dig in some to my childhood trauma, as well as sexual trauma, getting a bit vulnerable with you. I want to say from the get-go, I didn't experienc…
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Ep. 151 - Motorcyles Mouthwash and Magical Thinking
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24:28As we get ready for Christmas - I thought I'd fill our stockings with some random recovery ideas. Yes they are random - but in them hopefully you can find something to avoid being nice (not naughty) this holiday season! We are starting new groups all the time for 5-7 men who want to journey together throught the finding traction course. Our next gr…
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79: Emotional Drivers of Porn Addiction, Bad Advice that Makes Porn Addiction Worse, How to Heal Past Trauma, Save Your Marriage & Improve Your Sex Life | Dean & HollyKem Sunseri
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1:36:34Every man or woman who struggles with porn addiction carries trauma and emotional struggles. In my own personal porn addiction recovery journey, I’ve come to understand many things about the emotional pain that I carry. And by understanding it, I’ve been able to release much of it, and I continue to after a decade of sobriety from porn. In my profe…
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94 - Reflection & Projection - A personal exercise for continued growth at the end of the year
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19:48Do you feel discouraged in your recovery journey? We encourage you to take some time to reflect on the past year. Often, when we feel stuck or frustrated, if we compare where we are today to where we were 6 months ago, or a year ago, we have a better perspective of how far we've truly come! the end of the year offers us a natural point to review wh…
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Ep. 150 - Faulty Approaches Redux (with Matt Dobscheutz)
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41:08Last weeks' episode felt unfinished to me. I thought it would be great to have to have my fellow coach Matt Dobscheutz come on and add his thoughts to the topic of why some guys fail to achieve the recovery success they say they desire. We are starting new groups all the time for 5-7 men who want to journey together throught the finding traction co…
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78: Stop Porn Addiction in 3 Easy Steps with ‘The Frontline Framework’ | Dan Johnson with New Paths
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1:13:36In the episode, Dan Johnson gives you 3 easy steps to stop porn addiction. This process is called The Frontline Framework. Dan Johnson with New Paths is another man just like myself helping men overcome porn addiction. Dan and I not only discuss this framework but also dive into multiple psychological and lifestyle strategies you can begin using ri…
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93 - Feeling Disconnected? A Quick Conversation Starter for Couples During the Holidays
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13:50Do you and your partner feel LESS connected when things get busy? Do you notice that you have less time for each other and fewer conversations? Communication is a top priority during recovery and we want to encourage you to prioritize it MORE when you're busy, tired or stressed instead of less. When we get busy and communicate less, it becomes a br…
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Ep. 149 - 6 Recovery Approaches Bound to Fail
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22:08I have coached guys in porn recovery groups for many years. Over the years I have seen various guys try various things that have proven to be unhelpful in overcoming porn. In today's episode I explore 6 ways that I think that guys (even guys in groups) set themselves up to be unsuccessful in recovery. We are starting new groups all the time for 5-7…
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77: One Year of Porn Addiction Withdrawals | What to Expect During Your First Year After Quitting & How to Stay Sober
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33:18I recently had someone reach out to me directly to ask about porn addiction withdrawal—what it really feels like, what challenges come up, and how to get through it. Their question instantly took me back to the beginning of my own porn addiction recovery journey. When I was six months sober, it was one of the most beautiful yet difficult times of m…
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92 - Having Trouble Declining Invitations? 3 Polite Ways to Say No This Holiday Season
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12:08Are you a people pleaser? Saying NO is hard, and we can feel extra pressure around the holidays. In today's episode, Kylene and Patrick offer 3, succinct and specific ways to politely decline invitations if you need some extra down time for recovery. If you are a betrayed partner and would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, pleas…
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Ep. 148 - How Did I Get Here?
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21:37When I meet new guys I like to ask them this question "How did porn get embedded in your life?" Over and over again I hear some version of the same story. Today I want to talk about the process about how porn became a problem for you because it provides clues for how we can begin to journey out of it. We are starting new groups all the time for 5-7…
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76: Anger, Porn Addiction & One Simple Mental Technique to Overcome Both
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26:10Anger and porn addiction—what do they have in common? At first, it might seem like the answer is nothing. But think about it: how many times have you been angry, and shortly afterward found yourself relapsing on porn? Or maybe you felt stressed or frustrated after a hard day at work, only to come home and slip up. Doesn’t the shame you feel after w…
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91 - Feeling Stressed? Three Ways to Support Your Mind & Body Through Betrayal
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38:54Discovery is one of the most stressful experiences for both the sex/porn addict and the betrayed partner. Stress takes a significant toll on the body in this episode Kylene breaks down how stress impacts the body and 3 specific pillars of support we can bring in to support our mental and physical health through recovery. Kylene has some links below…
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Ep. 147 - Direct from Brazil
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19:37Vern has been down in Brazil working with couples around marriage and men in the area of recovery. Take a listen to some of his thoughts and screwups direct from the land down under (the other land down under) We are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect around walking away from porn and moving towards a …
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90 - How can my husband love me, and be a sex/porn addict?
41:50
41:50
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41:50Are you a betrayed partner who has asked the question - how could my husband engage in such hurtful behaviors and still love me? If so, you're not alone! In this episode Kylene and Patrick talk about how this questions is really a form of communicating the pain that has been caused, the feelings of insecurity, the fear of comparison, and the reiter…
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75: Quit Porn Using IFS | A Powerful New Approach to Psychology & Addiction Recovery
30:16
30:16
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30:16What if your brain pushes you towards porn addiction because it’s trying to help you, not hurt you? What if you could quit porn using IFS, an approach that helps you effectively understand and speak with the part of your brain pushing you towards porn, and you could redirect it? What if you could work alongside that part to overcome porn addiction,…
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89 - I have so much Anxiety - What do I do?
51:38
51:38
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51:38Are you stuck in an anxiety loop after betrayal? If so, you are NOT alone. Anxiety is one of the primary emotions that surface after discovering your husband is a sex or porn addict. Not sure if you feel anxious? In this episode Kylene and Patrick break down some signs and symptoms of anxiety, why safety is important, and how we can support our hea…
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74: Being Self-Critical Fuels Porn Addiction | How to Stop Perfectionism So You Can Stop Watching Porn
31:37
31:37
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31:37Porn addiction and perfectionism go hand-in-hand. If you want to stop watching porn, you need to understand the underlying relationship between porn addiction and these self-critical tendencies. One of the great misconceptions out in the world is that porn addicts are selfish, lazy, or simply don’t try hard enough. But in working with these men one…
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88 - I'm so MAD! When anger is healthy, when it's not, and how to process it!
50:42
50:42
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50:42My husband CHEATED - so it's ok to be angry right? I'm so ANGRY and I just can't get over it. I will never get over it. I'm not allowed to be angry - it's a sin. Anger is a natural emotion and an important feeling to be respected and acknowledged. However, when left unchecked it can turn into bitterness and it can begin to take control of your life…
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Ep. 146 - Before the Day After
16:21
16:21
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16:21November 5th is a big day - its Guy Fawkes Day, Vern's Birthday and yes - the American election. How deal with the big feelings that will follow the election can make us truly vulnerable to relapse. Vern walks through how we navigate these strong emotions. We are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect arou…
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73: Porn Addiction Positive Affirmations that Are Psychologically Effective | Recovery Mindset Statements to Quit Porn
35:33
35:33
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35:33Do you wish you had a list of recovery mindset statements that could train your brain out of porn addiction? Do you wish you had porn addiction positive affirmations that could convince you to quit porn? Today I am not going to give you that list…because that list does not exist. Don’t believe the hype out there… But what I am going to give you is:…
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87 - 3 Lies That Can Keep Us Stuck
1:01:57
1:01:57
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1:01:57I can do this on my own! They hurt me, therefore I can hurt them. Porn isn't infidelity! In today's episode, Kylene and Patrick address these 3 lies. Both recovering addicts and betrayed partners can get caught up in these beliefs and it can dramatically impact long term healing. Let's shift these beliefs together to find deep, long lasting freedom…
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Ep. 145 - Welcome to Plan B
21:30
21:30
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21:30There are two types of pathways we can walk in recovery - Plan A is the one we prefer and we have all tried it - unsuccessfully. This episode is about Plan B - and why we end up having to follow this route. We are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect around walking away from porn and moving towards a bet…
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72: Break Barriers to Quit Porn | 4 Psychological Blocks that Prevent Porn Recovery and How to Bust Through Them
33:37
33:37
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33:37You cannot quit porn simply by overcoming sexual cravings and urges. Porn addiction doesn’t ultimately stem from these urges (as surprising as that is). In reality, porn cravings are a symptom of underlying psychological barriers you're experiencing that are preventing porn addiction recovery. Instead of facing or fighting porn cravings, you need t…
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86 - When Will My Spouse Get Over My Betrayal? Living Amends
44:32
44:32
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44:32Are you a recovering sex/porn addict who is frustrated that your spouse still has questions about your previous behavior? Or maybe you are a betrayed spouse who has brought up a trigger only to be replied to with "when will you get over this? Why is this still coming up for you?" All couples navigating recovery long for the day when they will never…
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Ep. 144 - Porn Free Millennial
46:46
46:46
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46:46A big step of recovery is when you turn around and help guys who are not as far along the journey as you are. Mac is one of the guys I coach and he has created a great podcast that he shares with younger guys - it's called porn free millenial and you can access it here. https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/porn-free-millennial-podcast/id1688517945…
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71: Relapse-Free Business Trips & Vacations | How to Build a Safety Plan to Stop Watching Porn While Traveling
43:51
43:51
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43:51Have you ever had a streak of sobriety, only to go on a vacation or business trip and relapse on porn? In order to stop watching porn on business trips and vacations, you need to take a proactive approach. One of the most counterintuitive things about vacation is that it can be one of the greatest triggers for relapse. Vacation takes us out of our …
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