178 - One Hundred Seventy Eight

Breaker Whiskey

[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

I moved again. I’m torn between thinking it would be good to find a place to bunker down until I can figure out what’s going on, or find Harry, and thinking I should just keep moving, never stop driving. Except driving definitely draws attention—he could hear the sound of the engine from…who knows how far away, now that the world is as quiet as it is.

I know I should just get the hell out of dodge and leave Pennsylvania entirely. And I’m not saying I haven’t, I could be as far as Vermont or Tennessee or Indiana by now. But—I mean—

Harry. I can’t just give up on her. If she doesn’t have a car then she can’t have gotten far. But of course, when the whole world is a hiding place, even a small area is like looking for a needle in a haystack. So I just keep moving. Hoping I’ll see some sign of life.

And I guess I’m hiding too. There’s no other word for it really. All that time on the open road, doing whatever I wanted, broadcasting all the time, I got so used to being unfettered. Especially after so many years trapped within the four walls of a house for all intents and purposes. But now, he could be around any corner. Driving down the road, my eyes are peeled not for anything out of place, anything that might point to someone out there, but for danger. Human danger.

And talking like this, now, feels foolishly dangerous. Maybe he can follow the signal, maybe I’ll slip up and say something that gives away where I am. But what other choice do I have? If I’m going to find Harry, if I’m going to get any kind of explanation from Birdie or Fox, I can’t give this up.

I can’t imagine what he’s thinking if he can hear this. Is that how he found the house in the first place? Because he heard my broadcasts, heard me talking about Pennsylvania and Harry and thought…

He shouldn’t have anything against Harry. Not really. I’m the one who—

Part of me thinks I should just let him do whatever it is he wants. That that will somehow…set things right again. That it will set me free, set Harry free. Even if I think my freedom would come in the form of death.

Maybe that would be worth it, to send Harry back to wherever it is she really belongs. She shouldn’t have to live with the consequences of my actions, even though I’m living with the consequences of hers.

But me and him? Our fates are too intertwined to be untangled.

[click, static]

[beeps]

Not him

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