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008: How to Make Transitions Easier
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In this week’s episode of Single Mom Stories, Kelly talks about the prominence of change during divorce, and how both parents and children benefit from predictable and stress-free transitions. It’s no secret that going through a divorce changes your life, and it can be overwhelming. That being said, Kelly realizes that the more seamless the change, the better children and parents are able to cope with divorce. She urges listeners to create some form of structure or expectations for transitions, especially as it relates to custody schedules and day-to-day life.
Kelly notes, however, that building structure can be somewhat of a fine line between being overcontrolling and reliant. She finds it paramount that she creates boundaries - for example, out of respect for her children’s father, she doesn’t reach out to her kids when they are at his house. So long as her children are out of danger, she tries to avoid stepping on toes, and when her children return to her house, she expects the same courtesy in return. As she draws this episode to a close, Kelly does concede that it’s always a struggle when her kids leave for their dad’s. Combating loneliness after a divorce is no small feat, but if you create boundaries and structure for yourself like you would for your children, loneliness is far less likely to rear its ugly head.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- The prominence of transitions for children of divorce
- The importance of structure
- Creating boundaries
- Setting expectations for transitions
- Combating loneliness post-divorce
Quotes:
“I got divorced when my youngest was a little over a year old, and my oldest was three, so I immediately realized how important transitions were.”
“If you can have two sets of everything at both houses, it’s so much better, less stress over forgetting things, and identifying what belongs where. We don't want our kids to feel like a visitor in one of the parents' homes.”
“I've had to come to the realization over the years that it's actually none of my business most of the time, what goes on over there, unless I'm concerned about harm.”
“My kids, when they go to their dad’s, it's like a vacation. Then they come back, and they have to be back to reality. I have more rules. I handle the day-to-day. They go to school. There's chores and all the things. So it's an adjustment every time they come back, and I have to be prepared.”
“When I was first divorced, I didn't know what to do with myself. For those 48 hours, I was in tears. I didn't know how to be alone, I felt like I was missing something.”
“As moms especially, we feel like if we're not ‘mommying’, if we're not doing the things to take care of our kids, then there's something wrong.”
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