No More Hiding, What's Behind The Mask

On This Walk

How often does the mask we wear–at work, with our friends, even our loved ones–match what’s going on underneath?

The face we show to the world isn't necessarily the face we show ourselves. There's often a disconnect between the way we see ourselves and the way we present ourselves to the world.

The more we aim to please, rise or shrink to fit given situations and expectations, the more we lose sight of who we are.

But who is that, really? It's time to pull down the masks, challenge what's real and what's illusion, and stop hiding. It's vulnerability time.

On today’s episode, I’m honored to welcome guests Ashanti Branch and Aaron Kahlow. The origins of Ashanti's work were featured in the documentary, “The Mask You Live In,” which looks at how traditional notions of masculinity are affecting our young men.

Aaron is a social health and emotional wellbeing advocate and facilitator whose experience creating space for people to safely take down their masks makes him an incredible source of wisdom for today’s topic.

In This Episode

• (01:38) Learning to wear–and take down–masks from childhood
• (07:44) How Ashanti defines “mask”
• (13:12) Aaron’s exhaustion from wearing masks
• (17:13) The concept of holding space
• (20:03) How Ashanti uses the idea of masks to help kids open up
• (25:50) Revealing what’s behind Aaron’s mask
• (30:45) Using our masks as a way to bottle up emotions
• (34:32) The importance of co-regulation and social connections
• (41:02) How we can create safe space
• (46:15) Helping young men learn trust
• (55:49) What it takes to trust
• (58:03) Skillful relationships—with others and yourself

Notable Quotes

• “I was raised by a single mother in Oakland, California. I was supposed to know what it meant to be a man. Even though there was no man really helping me figure it out. And I think the story that I wanna connect to what you shared was I was told by my uncle, I was a man of the house. And I'm like, ‘Hey, I'm just seven. I just wanna play.’ And that childhood got taken away really quickly. And so I began to have to learn quickly through a lot of pain, a lot of battles and fights that, who I am nurture-wise is not what my community accepted is what really means to be a man. And so I had to put on all these different masks… And I think that because of those early lessons of helping and nurturing and taking care of everybody made it really hard because I was in charge. I didn't get to go ask people for help. And so asking people for help is still hard for me to this day.” – Ashanti (08:15)
• “It's exhausting to be a leader. It's exhausting to be strong for the family. It's exhausting to play all these roles because at least for me, I'm not in harmony with the natural world… So every day is exhausting because there's a mask to protect myself so I can make it through the day. When I say that I can feel that in my eyes. And I know that's still true for me. As much as I work on that, like I'm still taking these masks off and wrestling 'em down every day. Like, no, you stay down there. I'm just gonna show up.” – Aaron (13:12)

Our Guests

Ashanti Branch is the founder and executive director of The Ever Forward Club, which he started in 2004 to provide underserved middle and high school boys with a safe community to build character and transform lives. Since then, The Ever Forward Club has become a 501(c)3 non-profit organization that serves both young men and women. It has helped 100% of its members graduate high school, and 93% of them have gone on to attend college.

Aaron Kahlow is an emotional wellbeing advocate, facilitator and leader committed to helping people create more meaningful human connection in our lives through authentic community building, shared learning, healing and personal growth experiences.

Resources & Links

On This Walk

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• https://www.linkedin.com/in/lukeiorio/
• https://instagram.com/dlukeiorio
• https://instagram.com/onthiswalkshow