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Episode 05: Transforming Codependency/Anxious Attachment with Aaron Steinberg
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In today’s episode, Britta talks with Aaron Steinberg about his initiation of transforming his enmeshment-tendencies (doing extreme things in order to stay close to a loved one), and how he and his wife grew in love – both with each other and as co-parents. We dig into his experience of Stage Three of the initiation process, the “Transformation Cauldron,” and how humility, curiosity, and sincerity helped him face himself after a very difficult wake up call. We gain deep insights into how his anxious attachment – and his partner’s avoidant attachment – challenges, when faced together with honesty and compassion, became portals into deeper levels of love, for himself, his children, and for the people he works with. Whether you are in a relationship or not, or are a parent or not, there are plenty of lessons in this episode that apply to everyone!
Aaron Steinberg, MA, PCC is a relationship coach, group facilitator, and father of two young boys. He is the Co-Founder and CEO of a relationship support organization called Grow Together that provides education and coaching for parents. In addition to his MA in Integral Psychology, he has certificates in leadership development and sex education, is a NARM Complex and Developmental Trauma Practitioner, and is trained in couples therapy through the Gottman Institute, the Couples Institute, and the Relational Life Institute. He wrote a book to support couples with their communication called The Honesty Practice and is the co-author of a guide for managing roles and responsibilities and teamwork in parenthood called In It Together.
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Resources and References
Show Notes
1:12 - Welcome and an introduction to special guest Aaron Steinberg
2:45 - Britta introduces the Initiation journey she and Aaron will unpack together
3:12 - When did Aaron realize that parenthood is an initiation? He recalls the beginning stages…
11:33 - Aaron shares how he goes through the Awakening stage often - it’s not a one-and-done situation
12:50 - Aaron discusses his primary calling to parenthood, and how he knows it’s his calling
18:07 - Digging into Aaron’s Transformation Cauldron stage into parenthood: a deep dive into his anxious attachment – and his partner’s avoidant attachment – challenges
37:56 - Aaron and Britta discuss the experience of taking defenses down and acknowledging the destructive parts of ourselves in codependent relationships
39:54 - Aaron walks us through his process of building right relationship post-initiation, and opens up about the power of acknowledging ALL parts of himself to heal his relationship
44:21 - Aaron shares what additional gifts came out of the initiation process for him (including resources he’s created for communication and growing forward together)
53:35 - Aaron shares wisdom with listeners who might be going through a similar situation of enmeshment
56:32 - Episode wrap up
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