Beste Win Lose Or Rain podcasts (2024)

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Episode 471: The lens of attraction (why you can't do anything right) 9:04

1d ago9:04

9:04

This might be my most important concept for men to understand: the lens of attraction. More than anything else, it helps to explain why success with women isn't about doing the “right” things. The exact same woman can perceive the exact same behavior in two wildly disparate ways as a consequence of her attraction levels. Keep her attraction high an…

1
AJ MYLES; Practical Mental Health Tools, Self-Worth & Autonomy, Unexpected Experiences as Amateur, Pro Athlete Identity 1:51:30

2d ago1:51:30

1:51:30

Today I speak with IFBB Bikini Pro AJ Myles, a 25-year-old full Canadian Pro who has been a full time online coach since 2021. She began competing in 2018, and has competed in 6 shows and earned her Pro card at the 2024 Toronto Pro Qualifier. AJ is an advocate of defining your own balance in bodybuilding in order to stoke your passion and foster lo…

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Episode 470: Being right doesn't matter (winning the battle to lose the war) 9:24

5d ago9:24

9:24

Men can do nothing wrong – they can be completely right – and they can still encounter conflict and difficulty with their women. This is because being right doesn't matter – or, at least, it doesn't matter nearly as much as many men would like to believe it does. By understanding the relationship between games and the meta-games in which they are e…

1
Episode 469: Sexless marriage (a breach of contract) 9:48

8d ago9:48

9:48

Sexless marriage is a depressingly common phenomenon and not one that is well understood. My take is fairly unconventional, namely: refusing to have sex in an exclusive, monogamous relationship by unilateral decision is a form of cheating. This is because the “mono” in “monogamy” mean “one.” So cheating in monogamous relationships occurs when someo…

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SELINA STANSBURY; Developing Confidence, Meal Plans Before Macros?, End with Homework, Anxiety Management, Educate Yourself 1:18:34

9d ago1:18:34

1:18:34

Today I speak with IFBB Bikini Pro Selina Stansbury, a nurse practitioner who found fitness over 6 years ago. She competed in her first show in November of 2019 and earned her Pro card at her 6th national show at 2024 Universe. Since then, she has done two Pro shows in 2024. She runs her own business as a health and fitness coach, supporting lifest…

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Episode 468: A PhD in men (how to get what you want from a man) 10:31

12d ago10:31

10:31

This is an episode for the ladies. Women: if you're single, and you don't want to be, you may want to consider going back to school. I don't mean graduate school. I mean investing time, energy, and money into learning what makes men tick. Time to earn a PhD in men. In the absence of real understanding, women's only recourse is to the cliches and ba…

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Episode 467: The coin of the realm (give people what they want) 13:20

15d ago13:20

13:20

My book, “The Value of Others,” begins and ends with a parable. Many have asked me about the significance of the parable in the epilogue, which relates an episode from the life of Jesus. In applying this parable to sexual relationships, we can understand the importance of using the coin of the realm. Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's. When men pa…

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ALLEGRA BROWN; Intentional Training, Improvement Season, Harmony vs Balance, Finding the Right Coach, Learn to Lose 1:14:10

16d ago1:14:10

1:14:10

Today I speak with IFBB Bikini Pro Allegra Brown, a sister, daughter, wife and a dog mama. She started competing in bikini in 2019 and has placed from the sea of 16 to 1st place at Nationals. She earned her Pro card at 2024 USAs. I love spending time with my family and my fur baby, hanging out on the lake and enjoying good vibes! TOPICS COVERED -im…

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Episode 466: A horse in the rain (how to pass through suffering) 9:38

19d ago9:38

9:38

Much of my work is devoted to reducing unnecessary suffering. However, not all suffering is unnecessary. So what is the appropriate response to the necessary and unavoidable suffering that we must all experience at some points in our lives? The answer comes through observing a horse in the rain – who does nothing to make his situation any worse tha…

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Episode 465: The cherry on top (women are luxury goods) 10:57

22d ago10:57

10:57

A client who believed that the juice isn't worth the squeeze once asked me what I personally get out of my relationships with women. This episode functionally summarizes my response, namely: a woman is the cherry on top. Strictly speaking, a cherry isn't necessary for a sundae – but it can help to perfect one. Making peace with the fact that modern…

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GILLIAN HUGHES; 19 Year Road To Pro, Winning Self-Worth, Blending Families, Bikini After Babies 1:13:55

23d ago1:13:55

1:13:55

Today I speak with IFBB Bikini Pro Gillian Hughes, owner of Momshell Method Fitness who has been competing since 2005 and was one of the first athletes to compete nationally in the NPC when they introduced the bikini division in 2009. After a few short breaks to have her children and go thorough some life changes, she earned her Pro card at 2024 Ma…

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Episode 464: Dating off the beaten path (what to do if you are unconventional) 8:39

26d ago8:39

8:39

Dating as an unconventional person can be extremely demoralizing. Genuine connection is rare, and you may feel as though you need to repress your originality in order to achieve some measure of success. To secure relationships, conventional people should go where the masses congregate. However, unconventional people should get as far away from the …

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Episode 463: The privilege of losing (paying the cost of winning) 9:46

29d ago9:46

9:46

Many people have not yet achieved the success they desire because they have not yet been willing to pay the costs of winning. One of these costs is surrendering the privilege of losing. This may sound counterintuitive at first blush -- "privilege" is good, "losing" is bad -- but it turns out that there are many benefits to losing that people are lo…

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JOANNA BOLT; 90's Bodybuilding, 60 in a Bikini, Inspirational Catalyst 1:12:18

30d ago1:12:18

1:12:18

Today I speak with IFBB Bikini Pro Joanna Bolt, a lifelong athlete and full time registered nurse at UT Southwestern in Dallas working with a surgeon in the head & neck cancer clinic. Joanna began competing in 1992 but took many years off before she started competing in Figure in 2005. She won her Pro card in a natural federation in 2010 before tak…

1
Episode 462: Dating after 50 (challenges and opportunities) 10:18

1M ago10:18

10:18

In a much requested episode, I approach the landscape of dating after 50. After accepting the fact that everyone in this demographic has been wounded in some way, we can consider the challenge (and opportunity) of dating in this phase of life, namely: needlessness. Most people in this demographic aren't looking for marriage or kids or lifestyle. Th…

1
Episode 461: Write your own invitation (how to make friends as an adult man) 9:36

1M ago9:36

9:36

If you want an in with a specific group or individual, you cannot wait for an invitation to arrive. You need to write your own invitation. And you do this by cultivating enough of what the individual or group in question values that you can no longer be ignored. This is also the secret to building new friendships as an adult man. I discuss what thi…

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SHARLA PETERSON; Bikini Competitor to Wheelchair Bodybuilding National Champion & IFBB Pro, Pursue Against the Odds, Spinal Cord Injury, Gym Safety & Master’s Competitors Health Risks; SPECIAL FEATURE 1:23:02

1M ago1:23:02

1:23:02

Today I speak with IFBB Bikini Pro Sharla Peterson who went from bikini division to women’s bodybuilding division by accident. A lifetime fitness guru from teaching aerobics at age 16 to Reebok National Aerobics championship at age 19. She has 5 kids from ages 27 to 12. At age 51, she decided to start competing in bikini and finally do what she alw…

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Episode 460: Don't fight to keep people (you lose when you win) 9:56

1M ago9:56

9:56

It's never a good idea to fight to keep people in your life, or (to put it another way) to stop people from leaving the relationship. This is not only because it rarely works, but because -- when it does work -- you end up with something that isn't worth fighting for: a high-conflict and unstable relationship. If someone tries to walk out of your l…

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Episode 459: Saying the quiet part loud (emperors must wear clothes) 14:02

1M ago14:02

14:02

One of the principal rules governing relationships of all kinds is that the core transaction at the heart of that particular relationship should never be explicitly discussed. And though this rule gives rise to a good deal of indirectness, foolishness, and deceit, it's probably not going anywhere anytime soon, as it protects the dignity of the indi…

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KAYLA KRAUSS; Vulnerability is Toughness, Endometriosis & Adenomyosis, Healing to Pro, Overcoming a Limited Mindset 1:31:49

1M ago1:31:49

1:31:49

Today I speak with IFBB Bikini Pro Kayla Krauss, a dedicated health & fitness coach, and nutritionist with a passion for empowering individuals to achieve their health and fitness goals. She began competing in 2017 and won her Pro card at 2024 Universe. Her journey has been all about balancing mental, emotional, and physical health while pushing to…

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Episode 458: Why dating advice is terrible (half right is all wrong) 10:51

2M ago10:51

10:51

The vast majority of dating advice isn't worth the paper it's printed on. This is because it tends to describe how we would like dating to be or how we believe dating should be. However, even the best only get it half right. The fact of the matter is that dating is subject to both economic and psychological forces, and emphasizing one without the o…

1
Episode 457: How to lead your woman (lessons from the front) 10:31

2M ago10:31

10:31

Sexual relationships between men and women tend to thrive when the man is, confidently and respectfully, leading the relationship. However, it can be difficult for modern women to follow for a variety of reasons. In this episode, I teach men how to lead their women using principles exhibited by successful military commanders. By leading from the fr…

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NAVREET JOSAN; India’s First IFBB Bikini Pro, Integrate this with Your Life, Makeup Artist’s Tips, Confidence in a Bikini, What to Pack for Show Day 1:21:44

2M ago1:21:44

1:21:44

Today I speak with IFBB Bikini Pro Navreet Josan, becoming India’s first IFBB Bikini Pro in 2018 at Sheru Classic IFBB pro qualifier series. She began competing in 2014 at a time when there were no bikini competitions in India. She became the first NPC Bikini athlete from India. Alongside her passion for fitness, she has 17 years of experience as a…

1
Episode 456: Why people can't find love (understanding what you're searching for) 9:35

2M ago9:35

9:35

Love is one of the most abundant resources in the universe. So why do so many people struggle to find it? Simple: they don't understand what they're searching for, and they look for it in the wrong places. Most people don't want to love as much as they want the gratification of being loved -- which is why they look for love in other people. I discu…

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Episode 455: How to date without going crazy (walking the razor's edge) 8:49

2M ago8:49

8:49

Modern dating can be a frustrating, disappointing, and crazy-making experience. In this episode, I share my trick for participating in the sexual marketplace without succumbing to rage or despair: high hopes and low expectations. The idea is to enter into the timeless present and surrender the realization of the smallest next possible step. This al…

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ALEXANDRA KOLLA; Pro Surfer's Road to the Olympics, Failure is the Beginning not the End, Not Taking Things Personally, Stop Fitting In 1:16:46

2M ago1:16:46

1:16:46

Today I speak with IFBB Bikini Pro and Greek Pro Surfer, Alexandra Kolla. Her dream is to qualify for the 2028 surfing Olympics! She is also a professor in computer science and math at the University of California, Santa Cruz. She got her PhD at UC Berkeley in theoretical computer science. She was born and raised in Greece, but moved to California …

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Episode 454: You always break your own heart (the death of a dream) 10:54

2M ago10:54

10:54

Heartbreak is one of the most painful experiences a person can pass through -- but why might this be the case? After all, anything that actually transpired in the relationship is secure in the past and can't ever be taken from you. What makes a breakup painful is the death of a dream: the loss of a preferred future. This is why you always break you…

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Episode 453: Making women feel right is a business (telling people what they want to hear pays well) 9:49

2M ago9:49

9:49

While making men angry might be a business online, it is dwarfed in size and scope by the business of making women feel right. By validating women's emotions and reflecting back to them what they already believe to be true, certain content creators are paid handsomely for helping women feel as though the sources of their relationship problems lie e…

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VERUSHQA ANDRADE; Breaking Free From Bad Relationships, Mental Health Prioritized, Miscarriage & Loss, Self-Worth in the Work 1:42:41

2M ago1:42:41

1:42:41

Today I speak with IFBB Bikini Pro Verushqa Andrade, a former competitive dancer who was born in India and lived there for 10 years before moving to the US. She won her Pro card at NPC Universe in 2023. She is also a medical student, a 2nd Lieutenant in the US Air Force, a prep/ lifestyle as well as an NPC posing coach, and a personal trainer at De…

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Episode 452: The old man at the club (how to deal with aging out) 9:42

2M ago9:42

9:42

When I speak with men in their 30s, I often hear them speak of their concern about being "the old man at the club." They're aging out of their old haunts, and (consequently) believe that it must be time to settle down. However, this isn't necessarily the case. After all, it depends on the club to which they're referring. Is it the nightclub or the …

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Episode 451: The secret of a successful relationship (get your needs met elsewhere) 11:39

2M ago11:39

11:39

The secret of a successful relationship is somewhat counterintuitive: want less from your partner. After relating an anecdote in which I learned this secret, I discuss the importance of getting any need that can be satisfied outside of a sexual relationship met elsewhere. This significantly lowers the burden you place on your partner, and increases…

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JENNIFER LAU; Stage Fright to Confident, Defeated to Champion, Competing's Impact, Accountability, Stage Hair 1:04:18

2M ago1:04:18

1:04:18

Today I speak with IFBB Bikini Pro Jennifer Lau, a mother, navy veteran, business owner, stylist, and accountability coach. She started competing in 2022 and won her Pro card in 2023. She recently placed third at her masters pro debut at the Charlotte pro and top 10 masters at Wasatch Warriors. Jennifer talks about finding bodybuilding later in lif…

1
Episode 450: How men get suckered into fighting with women (why shouldn't you have to deal with it?) 11:20

3M ago11:20

11:20

Most men have no interest in fighting with their partners. So why does it end up happening? In this video, I discuss how women can spring a trap inside the minds of men, and how men can inadvertently sow the seeds of discord in their relationships. Of course, I also provide strategies for disarming this process and cultivating harmony. Buy my book,…

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Episode 449: Why buy the cow? (how to give good milk) 10:24

3M ago10:24

10:24

"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" refers to men's observed hesitancy to provide additional resources or commitment to women who are already providing them with sex. However, this bon mot is no longer relevant in the contemporary sexual marketplace. This is because the statement assumes a marketplace in which milk is generally so…

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BECKYN MICKELSON; Keep Promises to Yourself, Food Relationship & Fasting, Growth Strategies, Divorce Experiences 1:34:47

3M ago1:34:47

1:34:47

Today I speak with IFBB Bikini Pro Beckyn Mickelson who started competing in 2020. After her first show she knew she wanted to earn her Pro card but did NOT understand just how much work it would take. She won her Pro card at 2024 Junior Nationals. Competing brought out the drive she needed to not only achieve the Pro Card goal, but absolutely tran…

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Episode 448: The problem with self-respect (most hills are not worth dying on) 10:47

3M ago10:47

10:47

People often consider self-respect to be a unilateral positive that has no downside. However, this isn't true. The problem with self-respect is that it is costly. Using Linehan's model of interpersonal effectiveness, I explain why standing up for yourself can often lead to sub-optimal outcomes. This goal should only be prioritized sparingly to ensu…

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Episode 447: Why dating apps are making it harder to date (the perception of supply and demand) 11:06

3M ago11:06

11:06

Despite the development of several technologies to facilitate the experience, dating seems more challenging and confusing than ever. In point of fact, dating apps are making it harder to date -- though why this might be the case is a little counterintuitive. In this episode, which is based on an except of my book, I explain why fewer sexual relatio…

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DR. JESSICA WILSON Ms. Bikini Olympia Masters; The Truth Behind Getting Title, Mind Your Business, Put It On A Shelf, Identity 2:47:25

3M ago2:47:25

2:47:25

Today I speak with IFBB Bikini Pro Dr. Jessica Wilson, a returning guest who was actually on the 7th episode! Since then, Jessica won the tittle of 2023 Ms Bikini Olympia Masters. She is 42 years old and works as a lifestyle and posing coach, and is also a doctor of veterinary medicine. Jessica and I go deep on this conversation, so get ready! TOPI…

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Episode 446: Choosing between two women (it is not always an either/or) 8:50

3M ago8:50

8:50

I've been conducting a lot of consultations with men recently who are the horns of a dilemma, namely: they feel the need to choose between two women for a relationship. In every instance, they fall prey to the cognitive trap of comparing the women in question against each other. In this episode, I explain why this tends to leads to sub-optimal outc…

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Episode 445: You get what you pay for (the higher the prices, the better the service) 15:23

3M ago15:23

15:23

This is the third part in my three-part series on why successful men use escorts. Just like in the commercial marketplace, you typically get what you pay for in the sexual marketplace, as well. In this episode, I respond to the most common objections to the use of escorts, in particular, and to transactional relationships, in general. This should h…

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BRITTANY SHULMAN; Humility And Gratitude, Prestigious Mindset for the Olympia, Demands of Prep on Family, Post-Partum Perspective, Martial Arts and Competing 1:23:33

3M ago1:23:33

1:23:33

Today I speak with IFBB Bikini Pro Brittany Shulman, a wife, mother, and former gymnast who works in finance. She started lifting after leaving gymnastics and two friends introduced her to bodybuilding. She competed in her first show in 2017 and then took a couple years off to get married and have a baby. She tried to return to the stage in 202, bu…

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Episode 444: The $50,000 beer (why dating is so expensive for successful men) 17:44

3M ago17:44

17:44

This is the second part in my three-part series on why successful men use escorts. Much like exceptionally beautiful women, very successful men are priced out of the sexual marketplace as traditional dating becomes increasingly expensive for them. The $50,000 beer exemplifies how opportunity cost can influence behavior among these populations to a …

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Episode 443: Why successful men use escort (what the rich and the beautiful have in common) 10:59

3M ago10:59

10:59

This is the first episode of a three-part series on why successful men use escorts. It turns out that the rich and the beautiful have something in common when it comes to the game of mating and dating: they can both inadvertently price themselves out of the sexual marketplace. By understanding how traditional dating becomes increasingly expensive a…

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MELANIE ALBINIO; Fit Life or Fit Moment?, Food Language, Prep is Healthy, Social Media Cleanup, Self-Coaching, Why Natty in IFBB? 1:31:01

3M ago1:31:01

1:31:01

Today I speak with IFBB Bikini Pro Melanie Albino, a 40-year-old natural competitor, who is a wife & mom, and an Elite coach for Team Elite Physique. She has been a prep coach since 2016 and a personal trainer for almost 20 years! Melanie first competed in 2012 and won her Pro card in 2019 after competing in 7 national shows. She has been self-coac…

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Episode 442: Women are a roll of the dice (the fundamental rule of gambling) 11:10

3M ago11:10

11:10

Not matter the amount of due diligence a man conducts in the courtship process, women will always remain a role of the dice. So it's important to approach relationships like one would approach gambling. And the fundamental rule of gambling is never to bet with more than you can afford to lose. This is essential to keep in mind when dealing with wom…

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Episode 441: The standoff between men and women (how to sell a burning house) 14:14

4M ago14:14

14:14

The contemporary sexual marketplace is witnessing a Mexican standoff between men and women. Women want men to "do better," and men want women to be reasonable. Both sides are increasingly comfortable remaining single until their demands are met. In this episode, I discuss the way out of this standoff by examining how the power differential between …

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LAURA POSTOR; Running 4 Businesses, Childhood Trauma & Doula Work, Overcoming Heroin Addiction, Simple Posing 1:14:28

4M ago1:14:28

1:14:28

Today I speak with IFBB Bikini Pro Laura Postor, a mom of 3 and owner of four businesses. She first competed in 2021 where she earned second in open at the Night of Champions. At only her 5th show ever, she earned her Pro Card at USAs in 2023. She is a Certified doula and focuses on working with parents who have experienced sexual trauma. She is al…

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Episode 440: Never meet halfway (understanding what a date is) 11:04

4M ago11:04

11:04

My definition of a date is that it's connection plus sexual possibility. You need both for a date to be a date. Otherwise, you're dealing with a hookup (on the one hand) or an interview (on the other). And this is why the date is God's perfect creation: when it does well, both parties get what they want. As a result, it's never a good idea to meet …

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Episode 439: Women have to allow themselves to be used (be used or be ornamental) 13:41

4M ago13:41

13:41

Given the state of modern courtship, in which sex precedes commitment, many women are concerned about "being used" in the dating process. Unfortunately, there is no way around this. Just like most men have to expose themselves to potentially being used for their resources to secure a relationship, most women have to allow themselves to run the risk…

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SAM MCDONOUGH; Being Queer, Physique and Posing Critiques to Consider, Complaining Constrains, Appreciate Today 1:38:35

4M ago1:38:35

1:38:35

Today I speak with IFBB Bikini Pro Sam McDonough, from Kansas City, MO, currently living in Sacramento. She recently earned her BA in Psychology plans to eventually be a Marriage and Family Counselor. Currently, she is a coach at a couple gyms and a Posing Coach for Bikini and Wellness athletes. She has been competing since 2017, first in the NANBF…

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