Episode 19 Communication Pillar

KickAss Couples Podcast

This week Matthew and Kim examine the second pillar, communication. As one of our core qualities, communication is key to building a durable and prosperous relationship. It’s not always easy, but Matthew and Kim are here to teach you how to express yourself in a more effective way. Tune in for hilarious anecdotes, honest advice, and exercises that can bring you and your partner closer every day.

Key topics

-Practicing active listening

-Love mapping

-How to avoid your partner’s ‘hot buttons’ during an argument

-Using a ‘soft start up’ during a confrontation

-Validating your partner’s emotions

Quotes

“Being a good listener means you have to seek first to understand… then be understood.” -Matthew

“Love mapping is really knowing each other, and really making a point to periodically update each other on what’s going on in our lives and asking really great open-ended questions of each other.” - Kim

“I have not always been a great communicator. I have been that person that can go from zero to sixty really quickly, and all of a sudden my heart rate is up and I’m jumping in, and I go down that rabbit hole and tend to be critical.” -Kim

“You really want to make sure you are making ‘I’ statements not ‘you’ statements... If you instead turn around and say ‘I feel this’ or ‘when we had that conversation I felt this’... It’s really a great way to communicate without being condemning.” -Matthew

“When you’re pointing at someone and saying ‘you.’ You’ve got one finger going at someone, and three going back at you… Anytime you’re accusing somebody you’re forgetting that the lion share of responsibility probably lies on your shoulders.” - Matthew

“When somebody says something that can be hurtful or damaging, or disrespectful and they tag on ‘hey just kidding;’ just kidding is not a get out of jail free card because it doesn't take away the sting... If you have to say that after something, you probably shouldn't have made the statement.” -Matthew

“You’ve got to create a culture of appreciation, and keeping an emotional contact with your spouse.”- Kim

“What can you say to your spouse to plant a rose in their garden; something that you appreciate about what they just did, or that they always do, or that you remember one of the reasons why you fell in love with them.”- Matthew

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