225: We're talkin' tussling! How positive emotional tension can enhance your relationship (ft. Dr. Robert Glover)

Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Ever felt like a woman was testing you, pushing your boundaries in annoying ways, or giving you a "shit test" (not a great term, but one you may be familiar with)? Here's a hint: if you don't want negative emotional tension, you may need to become skilled at positive emotional tension.

Whether you're in a dating relationship, long-term marriage, or somewhere in between, the feminine is mysterious. Many men are baffled by how to relate when it seems like what he's doing is never enough. Why can't she just be satisfied? Why does it feel like she's always poking at you, overreacting to something small, or picking a fight? Why isn't sex easier?

Here, we go into what women are often thinking or wanting in those moments. We outline positive emotional tension (aka conscious tension), and how it can actually strengthen your relationship. And we cover the difference between tussling — healthy, positive emotional tension, which can actually be fun — and unhealthy abuse. This includes knowing the signs of Borderline Personality Disorder and how to avoid partners with BPD. We also go into how loving, conscious dominance can lead to hot sex. ;)

A few memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Having a PhD really didn’t help much when it came to my relationships!"
• “If I've got you arguing with me, at least I’ve got your attention.”
• “We all get needy.”
• "How can a man tell, 'Is it ever going to be enough for her?'"

Resources mentioned on this episode:

• Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) - an evidence-based treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
• The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodron