They say that all great stories can be boiled down into just five words. Who are they? They are Sean Patton, host of the podcast 5 Words. And obviously, he is out of his mind. Each week your host challenges his guests to tell a story in just five words, and from which, ridiculicity ensues. Is ridiculicity a word? It is now, and it would be one of the many words we’d use to describe 5 Words with Sean Patton.
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87 - The return of Raanan Hershberg!
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Hello dear legends! Nice to reacquaint you with one of our favorite guests, making his return in this episode, it’s Raanan Hershberg. He’s one of the top up and coming comedians here in NYC and always a great conversationalist. Like Santa Claus who only gives the gift of gab. We really get into the upcoming battle between Amazon and Disney for full…
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86 - Wilfred Padua
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Holy smokes this is a hot one! This week's guest is a good friend and up and coming NYC based comedian Wilfred Padua! He’s originally from Seattle and we had a real humdinger of a conversation. Wilfred is smart, funny, and the perfect level of narcissist. You’re gonna love him as much as I do. Here are five words to describe this episode: turns out…
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85 - Gastor Almonte
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I met this week’s guest whilst filming an episode of Ari Shaffir’s This is Not Happening. He immediately stood out as a great storyteller and overall good human being by the name of Gastor Almonte. He co-hosts a great podcast called The War Report (with 5 Words alum Shalewe Sharpe from episode ). We really chow down on some conversation here, and I…
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Hello dear legends, and welcome back! And I’m saying that to myself, as we are returning from a slight hiatus. Gotta get back out on the road! Vaxxed up, of course. This week’s guest is an all around top-tier gentleman named Tanael Joachim. He’s a comedian from Haiti now living here in NYC and is one of the true up-and-comers in the city and soon t…
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Way back in 2019, this week’s guest and I dropped our albums on the same day. So obviously, she was destined to be on the podcast. It’s Prairie Home Companion’s own Erica Rhodes! And yes, you read that right. She’s been a voice actor since she was 10, so using her vocal skills to entertain the masses was a natural transition. After you listen to th…
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Coming at you from the greenroom of The Comedy Fort in Fort Collins, Colorado, this week’s episode not only features the return of my co-host but also the return of one of our favorite guests. The guest? None other than the sultan of Hot 97 turned Hot 97% approval-rated comedian himself, Cipha Sounds! We were doing shows in Colorado and decided to …
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Comedy can be a tough business, and there are so many great comedians who go unnoticed for far too long. They keep grinding and get so good that when their time comes, they leave quite an impression. This week’s guest has done just that. She’s toured clubs, colleges, cruise ships, and now she will be making her Netflix debut on Tiffany Haddish Pres…
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80 - Sean Donnelly
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Seans of the world, unite! Shawns and Shauns, go get your own club! This episode is for those of us who spell it the Irish (correct) way. Friends are important, now more than ever, and this week’s guest is a good one (both a friend and an episode). It’s Sean Donnelly! He’s got his own show on SiriusXM and is a stalwart of the NYC comedy scene. We’v…
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Have you ever heard of Competitive Erotic Fanfiction? Do you think I’m making it up? I’m not, but the guy who actually did make it up and then bring it to life is this week’s guest, Bryan Cook! He’s a hilariously wonderful curmudgeon of a man who I’ve spent many a nights after shows, floating down a river of booze on a four-way kayak with. We get t…
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Fly high, dear legends! Comedy Central is still filming shows for the network, outdoors and all. Meaning they can’t do as many so the comedians they choose are fewer, and thus, the top of the food chain, a la this week’s guest Eagle Witt! He’s a big time up-and-comer here in NYC, and an all around interesting and insightful person to have a convers…
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77 - Noah Gardenswartz
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What do the TruTV game show Comedy Knockout and the Amazon Prime Emmy award-winning show The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel have in common? This week’s guest! It’s Noah Gardenswartz! He’s a hilarious comedian who’s currently a writer on the aforementioned megahit series. He and I met back in Atlanta a decade ago. Now, he’s nominated for an Emmy, and I’m the…
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WARNING: Discussions of suicide. Holy cannoli, this week’s episode is a barn burner! I met our guest a decade ago at the Nutt Street Comedy Club (now called Dead Crow Comedy Club) in Wilmington, NC. We’ve gotten bender-level drunk in every timezone in North America since, and now she’s sober and living it up as one of the funniest comedians in the …
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What an episode we got for you right here! A wise man once said, “It’s not about arriving at the destination, but experiencing the journey.” And this episode is the epitome of such wise words. My guest? Myq Kaplan! He’s been everywhere comedians can be, and he just dropped another album called A.K.A. (get it here http://myqkaplan.com/buy/). Myq and…
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Happy 2021 to you all! It has been a bit since the last episode, so welcome back! We’re kicking this year off with the real deal himself. If a slam dunk were worth three points, it would be this week's guest Sam Morril! Sam is one of the absolute best in the game right now, dropping two specials last year (I Got This and Up on the Roof—both on Yout…
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Good day, dear legends! We’re sure many of you have thought, “This podcast is not only great, but also really appreciates the art of storytelling. I wonder when they’ll have another published author as a guest…” And the answer to that is RIGHT NOW! This week’s guest is the spectacular Sam Tallent. Sam is not only a force of nature onstage, he is al…
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Hello there, Legends, let’s dive right on in! This week our guest has achieved a feat very few people have, and pretty much no other comedian has: she swam on the US National Swim Team. Twice. And now she’s a comedian living in NYC! It’s Laura Sogar! We talk all about her swimming career—which spanned 20 years—how she once trained with Michael Phel…
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Howdy, Legends! Good on you for tuning in this week as we get down ’n dirty with Atlanta boy, Mike Rowland. He’s an up-and-coming comedian here in NYC. You’ve seen him several times on Comedy Central’s This Week at The Comedy Cellar. We talk about the insanity of your average sports fan, being a belligerent dipshit in front of your comedy heroes, a…
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70 - Emma Willmann
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Goodness gracious are you legends in for a good one this week! Our guest is none other than Emma Willmann. You’ve seen her on Netflix’s Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and from her multiple stand-up appearances on TV. A native of Maine, we waste no time in getting right to it, discussing everything from voting for the first wrong candidate to which former pres…
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69 - Shane Torres Returns
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Welcome back legends! This week’s guest is a grand slam: (1) He’s tremendous, (2) he’s our first live guest in six months, and (3) he’s our first repeat guest! It’s Shane Torres! From 64 episodes ago! He’s been on the road with Bert Kreisher; he’s been on Conan, Comedy Central, and Netflix; and he will be on the upcoming hit series (along with Sean…
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Welcome back legends! Yes, we did take a week off (due to technical difficulties) but we are back with a vengeance, and by vengeance, I mean this week’s guest Pete Lee! (His nickname was “vengeance” in the boy scouts). Pete’s a wonderful comedian who’s been all over the TV, Comedy Central, The Tonight Show, Pornhub, as well as having his own podcas…
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This week’s guest is fellow podcaster and co-host of Roomates for Life: the ever-charming M.K. Paulsen. This man is complex in a good way. He’s like a cross between Season 3 of Game of Thrones and this upcoming season of Drag Race personified. He hails from deep Texas and was a senatorial aide in DC before moving to Germany to pursue a career in co…
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66 - Vladimir Caamano
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This week we welcome the Prince of The Bronx: Vladimir Caamaño! You’ve seen him perform on Jimmy Kimmel Live, have a guest starring role on Brooklyn 99, and play the lead on the short-lived CBS drama, Tommy. Now, hear him talk with us about bicoastal life, relationships in quarantine, and much more. Here are five words to describe this episode: alw…
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65 - Adam Cayton-Holland
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On this podcast, we occasionally like to have guests with at least three full-time names. This week, we have that guest: the great Adam Cayton-Holland. He’s the co-creator and star of Those who Can’t (formerly of TruTV and soon to be on HBOmax) as well as a published author and nationally touring comedian. We were supposed to be doing shows at the …
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Remember the 90’s? Specifically the show Family Matters? Do you think Steve should’ve told Laura to fuck off? How about late 90’s rap from New Orleans? Do you too think Juvenile is underrated? Well then this may be the perfect podcast episode for you. This week’s guest is comedian, actor, and podcaster Derek Gaines. Fresh off his appearances is The…
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We have great comedians as guests every week, but this is the first great comedian AND sideline reporter of Cannonball on the USA network we’ve ever had. Welcome Simon Gibson! Hailing from Portland, Oregon, Simon is an LA based comedian who “dazzles, frazzles, sizzles, and sazzles every time he’s onstage! He’s a one person personification of hoolar…
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62 - Matthew Broussard
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All the way from Houston via Atlanta, but before that Corpus Christi… and eventually a stint in LA before putting down some roots in NYC. That’s the journey of this week’s guest Matthew Broussard! Matt is one of the best joke writers in New York, performing regularly at The Comedy Cellar, The Stand, Eastville, and pretty much every other club in th…
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If you’ve ever lived in Los Angeles and been a part of the comedy scene, from fans to famous comedians, you’ve heard of the Super Serious Show, which was created by our guest Mandee Johnson (and her husband, the wonderful Jodel Mandelkorn). If you haven’t heard of the Super Serious Show, don’t worry ‘cause it’s still happening, and now there’s a bo…
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If John Candy, Wayne Gretsky, and Alf were hanging out in a laboratory and unknowingly stepped into a coalescence chamber to smoke a bowl and accidentally turned it on, you would get this week’s guest Glenn Wool. And he got him indeed! Glenn is one of those special people who can just make you smile and laugh whilst drinking at a bar, and make you …
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Everyone loves making new friends, but the older one gets, the more we appreciate old friends. Seaton Smith and Sean are old friends, and it just so happens that he’s this week’s guest too! Seaton is a marvelous comedian, writer, and actor. You’ve seen him on many things, including the tragically short lived Mulaney. We discuss the current state of…
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What a special guest! A good friend and even better comedian by the name of Chris Garcia! He’s got a story on another podcast you may or may not have heard of called This American Life, as well as his own six part podcast on WNYC called Scattered. He and Sean go way back to the first time Sean visited the city of San Francisco back in 2010. It was …
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57 - Whitmer Thomas
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This week’s guest is the personification of a laugh with a slight belch at the end (which makes you laugh harder, and thus opens up the possibility of more belching). He’s a truly unique comedian who’s appeared on NBC’s The Good Place and has his own HBO special The Golden One. Whit’s also from the south, proving that good people come from all dire…
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Being a storytelling comedian is a challenge, because you have to completely engulf the audience in your words and have them breathing in your every syllable. Being a great performer also helps. This week’s guest is all of the above. Aside from his hour special on Showtime (which is a hilarious special), you’ve seen him on Netflix’s Disjointed, Fam…
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Some of the best comedians in the world perform at The Comedy Cellar. Did you know that some of the best managers of comedy clubs also work there too? This week’s guest is the Queen of the Night herself, Liz Furiati! She’s around stand up every night and has not only seen some of the best there is, she’s drank most of them under the table. When peo…
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Hello Legends! Here we go again, as we do every week—with another fantastic guest! This week is the King of the Nipple Ring himself, Ian Fidance! We don’t actually know if Ian has any nipple rings, but he has the aura of a person who is more than meets the eye. He’s a favorite all across NYC, and he’s a regular opener for Dave Attel. This episode i…
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Every now and again, we have a guest who Sean used to be terrified of. This week’s episode is that now and again! The wonderful Jen Kirkman joins us. She is a top-tier, hilarious comedian and author who Sean became a fan of back when he was doing open mics. She was a big dawg then and is a straight-up wolf now. She’s got two books, three Netflix sp…
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What a week! What an even better guest! There are few certainties in life, and one of them is that involving Aparna Nancherla in your day is bound to make it more enjoyable. She’s not only great at stand up comedy, writing for scripted TV shows and cartoons, acting, writing a book, teleportation, and living in Brooklyn, she’s also a Queen! In the c…
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All aboard! This week's guest is a favorite at the Comedy Cellar in NYC, as well as the host of his own podcast where he doles out dating advice to his followers. It’s the one, the only, the J-Train himself: Jared Freid. We had a hilarious conversation about life in the most congested city where everyone is trying to avoid becoming congested, and h…
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50 - Chris Funk of The Decemberists
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What if you were a comedian and your legally given surname was Rimshot? Now imagine being a musician with the last name Funk. This week’s guest lives it. Chris Funk, you may know him from the Decemberists, Black Prairie, or his many other musical endeavors. Sean and Chris met in Portland back in 2014, and they proceeded to drink memory fuel togethe…
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49 - Nicole Aimee Schreiber
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Most Americans have three names, but very few of us have the jimmy-jacks to use all three. Nicole clearly gives -3 fucks. She’s a wonderful writer and comedian based in LA. We met her while Sean was performing with her at the Comedy Cellar in Vegas. She has opened for Dave Attel, toured with Bobby Lee, and is a paid regular at the world famous Come…
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Most people have never been to Alexandria, Louisiana nor opened for Trevor Noah at Madison Square Garden. This week's guest has done both. The wonderful Josh Johnson joins us to talk about everything from writing on The Daily Show, MMA, being robbed, what happened to Shoney’s, and much more. Here are five words to describe this episode: is a “dump”…
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47 - Jenny Zigrino
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Sometimes, in this business, you luck out and get to be friends with a person like this week’s guest, Jenny Zigrino. She’s the love child of the angel and devil on your shoulders, both telling you the right thing to do, whilst simultaneously daring you to put your foot in your mouth. She has a pure zest for life which—in these crazy times—is import…
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Maybe you’ve ever heard of Cullen Ryan, and that’s okay. Often, the best people stay behind the curtain, running around and making sure everyone has what they need to be themselves. Cullen is the producer of Clearwater Comedy, an exceptional live comedy production company in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, which is the best kept secret in the United States.…
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45 - Raanan Hershberg
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Yeah, we know there’s a global pandemic, but there’s no one better to take your mind off of things than Raanan Hershberg! He’s got a fantastic late night set on James Corden, a killer album out called Downhill Ever Since (that Caitlin designed the album artwork for), and an amazing story that involves horse racing and hand raising. We recorded this…
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44 - Kenny DeForest
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Who doesn’t love Springfield, Missouri? The home of cashew nut chicken and possibly where the Simpson’s live is also the birthplace of this week’s guest Kenny DeForest. Every now and again you meet someone and think, “I hope you run for president one day because I would vote for you… and probably end up hating you because presidents are just puppet…
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You wanted more international guests, and we’ve responded! This week, all the way from somewhere in Scotland, is the REAL Daniel Sloss (not to be confused with his arch nemesis Slaniel Doss). Spending an hour with this fine gent is like washing down a bowl of tonkotsu ramen with a LaPhroaig on the rocks: flavorful and stimulating. He’s got specials…
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42 - John F. O’Donnell
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If Benjamin Button only aged in reverse in his mind, you would have this week’s guest John F O’Donnell. Year by year, he is bursting with the wonder of a child who has seen more than any of us. He’s a brilliant comedian, podcaster, and humanitarian who has performed around the world and back. We talk about his journey and his battle with… well, lis…
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This week we have Sam “The King of Swing” Evans. He got that name in his home state of Ohio, where his comedy was known to sway municipal elections. He’s crushed every show in every time zone in this country and now you get him here on the podcast! We talk about all things Midwestern as well as why neither Sam nor Sean are very good at weed (Caitli…
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40 - Josh Gondelman
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His jokes have abs, his jokes have lats, his jokes can do crossfit. It’s Josh Gondelman! You may know him from his Emmy award-winning stint as head writer for Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, his current stint as head writer for Desus & Mero, his book Nice Try: Stories of Best Intentions and Mixed Results, or any of his late night appearances. W…
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Jo Firestone: Mouth Trombone. What a goddamn gem. You may know Jo from Fallon, Joe Pera Talks With You, High Maintenance, Shrill, The Chris Gethard Show, her own podcast Dr. Gameshow on Maximum Fun, her album “The Hits” on Comedy Central Records, and much more. We’re talking about everything from spoons to forks to how to give a proper compliment t…
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“If these balls could talk.” That’s what every guy thinks about his own genitalia, and this week’s guest Louis Katz was bold enough to make an entire album about it! He’s been on Comedy Central, HBO, and regularly opens for living comedy legend Dave Attel. He’s seriously one of our favorite people, and he has no problem answering Sean’s annoying qu…
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