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Cerise Townsend and Vicky Osterweil are ranking every movie ever made - from every country, every filmmaker, every decade and every *every*. From Paul Thomas Anderson to Paul WS Anderson; from Cannon to Canal+; from movies they can't believe exist to movies that just shouldn't exist. They're going to rank every one of them from best to worst of all time, and they believe that this is an entirely reasonable goal.
 
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show series
 
New Patreon ep! Listen as C&V scrounge up two secret Christmas movies from the dumpster - 1984's Sole Survivor and 1996's Riot! Is Thom Eberhardt's updating of Carnival of Souls too good for a Dumpster Diving ep? How did a movie about LA (or maybe New York) race riots wind up hating the IRA so much? Subscribe and find out!https://www.patreon.com/po…
 
Couch Gag! C&V press on into the swamps of August, adding two new Simpsons episodes to their list! Is The Telltale Head's solid construction enough to balance out its 1990-era patriotism? Does This Little Wiggy go a little too far in making fun of Ralph Wiggum? How morally correct is it to steal a movie? Subscribe and find out!https://www.patreon.c…
 
Cerise and Vicky try to survive the hottest summer in years by loading their miniguns, showing off their biceps and wondering where all these red laser dots are coming from as they tackle every standalone Predator movie! How is 1987's Predator more than just a cheesy 80s action movie? How badly did Disney screw over the people behind 2022's Prey? A…
 
NEW PATREON EP! Cerise and Vicky explore the UFOria of the 70s, coming up with two prime cuts of ET trash. Does Chariots of the Gods prove that people were even easier to grift in the 70s than they are today? Is Prey an exception to or an example of the rot of the late 70's British film industry? Subscribe to the Patreon and find out!https://www.pa…
 
Cerise and Vicky pump the volume on their theremins, polish their death rays and cross the cosmos, adding five movies about alien invasions to the list, starting with 2022's Nope! If Jordan Peele keeps going at his current rate, how long will it be before the argument that he's the greatest horror director ever starts to make sense? Is 1978's Invas…
 
NEW PATREON EP! C&V battle painful injury and deep mediocrity to bring you some thoughts on some of the Simpsons' filleriest episodes - Season 1's Call of the Simpsons and Season 9's Simpson Tide! Why did one of these episodes inspire a whole level in the Simpsons arcade game? How spurious is the claim that the Simpsons predicted the war between Ru…
 
Cerise and special guest host Camellia Berry Grass tackle five cases of a smaller filmmaker hitting the big time! Is our collective patience for Taika Waititi running as thin as it seems? Will our ranking of a Jean Luc Godard masterpiece upset the Sight & Sound people? Is Ang Lee's Hulk one of the most underrated movies of the 2000s? And how much d…
 
Cerise & Vicky hit the road, alienate their loved ones and overcome their personal demons in the course of adding five entries from the most generic genre to the list – musical biopics. Is Baz Luhrmann's Elvis kinda good, actually? Why is Hal Ashby so unfairly forgotten? Does Todd Haynes' Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story live up to its illicit …
 
Cerise and Vicky are back with an episode 65 million seconds in the making! Join them as they and special guest Sophie Lewis plumb the humid depths of the entire Jurassic Park franchise, including Jurassic World Dominion! Why do we think Steven Spielberg was so hyped to make Jurassic Park? At what point do the raptors basically become Gremlins? Is …
 
Get ready to sharpen your swords and call upon an increasingly suspect series of gods, because Cerise and Vicky are adding five movies about mythic warriors to the list? Is a massive budget more of a help or a hindrance for The Northman? Will Conan the Barbarian be as fashy as Cerise and Vicky fear? Should Tarsem Singh's Immortals have been the tem…
 
Cerise & Vicky are set against each other in a lethal contest of movie ranking acumen, racing against the clock and adding five movies about deadly games to the list! Does We're All Going To The World's Fair live up to the festival hype? Does Battle Royale stand the test of time? Is Gary Busey a better villain than Rutger Hauer? Tune in after your …
 
Cerise & Vicky do battle with the studios, steal the negatives and weep about the general state of the film industry while also finding time to rave about five movies that received botched releases! Did Memoria deserve much better treatment from Neon? Did Alex Cox torch his Hollywood career in the best way possible? Is Annihilation the greatest wee…
 
Cerise & Vicky rave about two punk DIY classics that are likely to be some of the highest-ranked movies this sideshow ever produces! Why is 1988's Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em so criminally underseen in America? Why does 2009's Repo Chick have such a bad reputation? Subscribe and find out!Cerise & Vicky rave about two punk DIY classics that are likely …
 
Cerise & Vicky slip into some hot pants, pile into a van and set out to find some good barbecue, adding five backwoods horror movies to the list along the way! Is Ti West's X the raunchy, sex positive flick good time promised by the ads? Did Tobe Hooper harbor secrets that can only be guessed at now? Is Rob Zombie a far better filmmaker than anyone…
 
C & V delve once more into the mysteries of Simpsons history, covering Season 1's disappointing There's No Disgrace Like Home and Season 9's Trash of the Titans! How does this Season 1 episode foreshadow the terminal decline of The Simpsons? What did the rejection of 80's Reaganite family ideals eventually morph into? And did The Simpsons really ne…
 
Grab your tights and Bat your Mites because Cerise, Vicky and special guest Kayte Terry are rubbering up to whip some Batmen! Are three hours enough for Matt Reeves to wash away the memory of Christopher Nolan? Did Catwoman provide a secret origin for legions of trans girls? Will a surplus of ice puns meet a chilly reception? Tune in and find out!1…
 
Cerise and Vicky check their lists and science up the best films of 2021! Can any American films break the top ten without the help of an asterisk? Which indie distributor is doing everything it can to make sure you don't see their films? Who is going to snipe who the most as they progress through the list? Tune in and find out!Donate to Jennifer B…
 
Don your rubber suits and check the latest box office trends, because C & V are diving into some creature features from the tail end of the Jaws-obsessed 70's. Does Roger Corman have better storytelling instincts than giallo legend Sergio Martino? Can a teenager with a Super 8 camera and a dream make a more entertaining movie than half the entries …
 
Cerise, Vicky and special guest Sarah Miller spot each other across the room and are immediately flattened by by the moon crashing down upon them and hitting their eyes. Luckily, they had completed an episode about Rom Coms before this tragic misfortune. They will be missed.6:03 - The Worst Person In The World (2021, Joachim Trier)24:46 - His Girl …
 
Cerise and Vicky do prison movies and try to pretend this is the first time they've recorded this episode!6:01 - A Hero (2021, Ashgar Farhadi)23:33 - Le Trou (1960, Jacques Becker)43:03 - Female Prisoner 701: Scorpion (1972, Shunya Ito)1:01:56 - Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence (1983, Nagisa Oshima)1:18:06 - Con Air (1997, Simon West)…
 
Cerise and Vicky don their pink vinyl tank tops, grab their pacifiers and dive into the shiniest dumpster they can find to unearth two movies about Y2K rave culture! Will Vibrations teach us that no adversity is too severe to be overcome by cyberhands? Is Rave Macbeth a better Shakespeare adaptation than Tragedy of Macbeth? Do Cerise and Vicky need…
 
Cerise, Vicky and special guest Camellia Berry Grass suffer the slings and arrows of podcasting as they add five Shakespeare adaptations to the list! Did watching a new movie in the theater require unreasonable exertions of them? Will Cerise successfully disguise how little she knows about Shakespeare? Is Vicky ever going to stop soliloquizing? Tun…
 
I Will Not Start This Post With a Blackboard Joke.This month we've got a dual (and dueling) pair of episodes centered on the kids, one where Bart seems smart (Bart the Genius) and one where Lisa is revealed to still be just an 8 year old! (Lost our Lisa) We also get the appearance of not one but two very special memes, so don't make us tap the sign…
 
Cerise, Vicky and special guest Io Ascarium ensconce themselves in pleather, dye their hair blue and load their pronouns as they dive into The Matrix! Will Cerise abandon her twenty-year grudge against these movies? Will Vicky reveal dark secrets about her theatrical past? Is Resurrections enough to wipe the taste of endless reboot from their mouth…
 
Join Cerise and Vicky for a holiday in the dumpster, as they begin their deep dive into the annals of trash history! Does 1980's New Year's Evil hold the key to understanding the philosophy of Yoram Globus, Menahem Golan and the Cannon Film Group? Does 1983's Blood Beat make any sense at all if you hold it sideways and squint at it? Are either of t…
 
Cerise and Vicky load up the 16mm film, dim the lights, roll sound and make sure everybody's fluffed before adding five movies about porn and porn stars to their list.7:34 - Red Rocket (2021, Sean Baker)22:49 - Body Double (1984, Brian De Palma)42:20 - Boogie Nights (1997, Paul Thomas Anderson)1:05:02 - Hump Day (2008, Lynn Shelton)1:21:53 - Antipo…
 
Cerise and Vicky return to the podcasting catwalk to show off their hot new looks, before remembering that no one can actually see them. To console themselves, they add five movies about the world of fashion to their list.12:56 - House Of Gucci (2021, Ridley Scott)32:12 - Eyes Of Laura Mars (1978, Irvin Kershner)48:50 - Pret a Porter (1994, Robert …
 
As the country reopens and everyone pretends this pandemic is over, Cerise and Vicky ranked a bunch of...gasp...good post-apocalyptic movies, and make a big announcement about the podcast!11:10 A Quiet Place, Part II (2021, John Krasinski) Cerise and Vicky wonder why critics are so awed by John Krasinksi's Make America Quiet Again paean to patriarc…
 
Cerise and Vicky recover from their longest episode ever by zipping through their shortest episode ever, adding five wonderful and kind of samey films about girls school to their list!6:10 – Seance (2021, Simon Barrett) – Cerise and Vicky rediscover what genre films can be when they don't take themselves deathly seriously. Also: Gay.18:20 – Madchen…
 
CW: Drug use, self harm, addiction, extreme violenceIn celebration of the long awaited release (by someone, surely) of Spiral: From the Book of Saw, Cerise and Vicky take a trip through a torture trap all their own as they watch the first 8 Saw films back to back to back. Listen as they go through an entire afternoon, evening and into the dawn with…
 
Cerise and Vicky celebrate their 200th movie ranked by recording in the same room as one another!They immediately find that they have been wrongfully accused of being good podcasters, and add five more movies to their list to hide their shame.09:28 – Monster (2021, Anthony Mandler)24:56 – North By Northwest (1959, Alfred Hitchcock)40:32 – Investiga…
 
Cerise and Vicky crack open some New York Times Number One Best Seller airport novels and talk about how the movies based on them are...completely fine. Full of amazing performances and often mediocre pacing. But we didn't talk about any YA?9:30 - Tom Clancy's Without Remorse (2021, Stefano Sollima)Cerise and Vicky are pleasantly surprised that thi…
 
Cerise and Vicky load up on Mountain Dew and trek into the digital void. Will they find five more video game movies for their ever-growing list? Or will they find only despair and madness? The answer is yes.12:12 – Mortal Kombat (2021, Simon McQuoid) – Cerise and Vicky are forced to climb a mountainous trash heap – is the smell truly toxic, or mere…
 
Cerise and Vicky reach the middle of their years and find that there are yet still more movies to rank.6:40 – Nobody (2021, Ilya Naishuller) – Cerise and Vicky speculate as to why no one seems to recognize that this is a parody of action films, and find time to argue about the literal nature of video game imagery.30:55 – Pierrot Le Fou (1965, Jean-…
 
This week Cerise and Vicky do some rubbernecking at horrible events in tunnels, skyscrapers, volcanic islands and many other places besides. They get very excited about The Towering Inferno, get stymied by bad subtitles, and welcome a bunch of great stars and directors to the list. We also all learn a little something about Vicky's sexuality.11:50:…
 
Cerise and Vicky are caught in a nuclear blast and grow to enormous size. Instead of using their power to level cities, they choose to rank five Godzilla movies, because they are nice.9:39 – Godzilla vs Kong (2021, Adam Wingard)30:53 – Godzilla (1954, Ishiro Honda)48:39 – Ghidorah the Three Headed Monster (1964, Ishiro Honda)1:06:00 – Godzilla (199…
 
Cerise and Vicky foolishly try their hand at Amateur Night by ranking movies about comedians!6:20 – Bad Trip (2021, Kitao Sakurai) – Cerise and Vicky debate the ethics of hanging people off of rooftops for comedy as they discuss the only genuinely funny movie this week23:49 – The Entertainer (1960, Tony Richardson) – Laurence Olivier turns into a b…
 
Cerise and Vicky unleash their collected hatred towards the Snyder Cut and manage to rank and review four more movies with legendarily troubled productions.10:23 – Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021, Zack Snyder) – Cerise and Vicky stare into the murky abyss of fascist trolling and find the Anti-Life Equation staring back at them.58:35 – Manos: The…
 
Cerise and Vicky coat themselves in surf wax, hop into the fastest car they can find and hit the nearest bank while adding five movies about crime sprees to their list.12:25 – Cherry (2021, Russo Bros.) - Cerise and Vicky bang their heads against a wall for thirty minutes in an attempt to capture the mindset of the filmmakers.42:43 – They Live By N…
 
Cerise and Vicky grow some bushy mustaches, dub their accents and add five Eurocrime movies to their list of every movie ever made!NOTE: Polished version is up!9:39 - Pixie (2021, Barnaby Thompson) - Cerise and Vicky travel all the way to Ireland for one sociopath, one glass of whiskey and a whole lot of nothing.27:36 - Le Samourai (1967, Jean-Pier…
 
Cerise and Vicky make polite dinner conversation and plot to steal each other's inheritance while adding five movies about family drama to the list.8:54 – Minari (2020, Lee Isaac Chung) - Cerise and Vicky are surpised once more by the quality of 2021's new releases. Pazuzu makes a brief and troublesome appearance.26:58 – I Live In Fear (1955, Akira…
 
Cerise and Vicky hop on their motorcycles and hit the highway in search of a crying bald eagle or some such thing, adding five road movies to their list along the way. Featuring special guest star Adam Curtis!8:35 – Nomadland (2020, Chloe Zhao) – Cerise and Vicky sort through some powerful and mixed feelings about an honest, empathetic film that tr…
 
Cerise and Vicky pledge their hearts to the movements of the past by ranking five movies about 60s leftism. Will they become perfect servants of the revolution? Or will they be made an example of for the good of the cadre? Listen to find out!9:33 - Judas And The Black Messiah (2021, Shaka King) - Cerise and Vicky agree that it's about as good as a …
 
Cerise and Vicky are possessed by the unholy power of cinema and are compelled to put on an Exorstravaganza8:05 - Saint Maud (2020, Rose Glass) - Cerise and Vicky dip into the latest A24 horror only to find that the legacy of The Exorcist isn't as easy to shake as they thought it would be.24:00 - The Exorcist (1973, William Friedkin) - Cerise tries…
 
Cerise and Vicky discover that the only way to rank every movie is to enter the minds of five serial killer movies. It's their gift; it's their curse.8:57 - The Little Things (2021, John Lee Hancock)25:19 - M (1931, Fritz Lang)43:40 - Targets (1968, Peter Bogdanovich)1:02:08 - Kiss The Girls (1997, Gary Fleder)1:19:40 - Memories of Murder (2003, Bo…
 
Cerise and Vicky don their ten gallon hats, dig up a dead horse and explore the underbelly of the American dream by adding five western noirs to their list of every movie ever made.9:21 - No Man's Land (2021, Conor Allyn) - White people learn dubious lessons about racism while Cerise and Vicky roll their eyes.26:54 - Bad Day At Black Rock (1955, Jo…
 
Cerise and Vicky butcher their way towards their eventual goal by adding five revenge movies to their list, adding two movies to the top twenty-five along the way.8:29 - Promising Young Woman (2020, Emerald Fennell) - Cerise and Vicky count the promises this tepid revenge thriller broke and try to identify the algorithm behind its creation.28:55 - …
 
Cerise and Vicky check in to a seedy motel and get down to the dirtiest business of all - ranking movies.9:08 - Black Bear (2020, Laurence Michael Levine) - Cerise is gay for Aubrey Plaza and Aubrey Plaza is gay for metatextual fuckery,23:25 - Perfect Strangers (1984, Larry Cohen) - Cerise and Vicky get through an entire segment without making a La…
 
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